Churchgoers Get More Than Holy Spirit, Sermon Interrupted by Gunfire

Breaking: Church 'Safety' Shootout at God's Front Door

Hey, y'all — strap in! The Burnet County Sheriff's finest had a fun little Sunday morning when shots rang out at some church called the Church at the Epicenter. Ya know, the one over here, right up on good ol' US 281.

10:33 a.m., some anonymous dude picked up his phone and dialed 911, just in time for our deputies to roll up like heroes. Turns out, some church "volunteer safety team" member (because who needs actual security guards?) decided to take the law into his own hands. Classy move.

So, this vigilante dude spots two "suspicious" dudes outside. One of them was packin' a rifle — because why not, right? Must've been some shady business going down. Our church hero confronts them, shoots at them (really, multiple times?), and the suspects skedaddle in a white minivan, heading north on US 281. If only minivans weren't so darn inconspicuous.

Fantastic news: no injuries reported yet. Gosh, we're positively thrilled about that.

Now, the Burnet County Sheriff's Office is all buddy-buddy with state and federal bigwigs, investigating this "incident." Because that's what we call it when a churchgoer turns into a mini-John Wayne on holy ground — an "incident."

Stay tuned for more slimy details. Maybe they'll dump all the blame on poor momma's basement dwellers. That usually works out just fine.

Burnet County Sheriff's Department for all your crime and safety needs.