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Oh, you mean, "How do I not burn my shitty house down?"

Oh, fabulous! Because nothing screams "Home Sweet Home" like not immolating yourself while tidying up the fucking fireplace. Here's how to not turn your living room into a goddamn BBQ pit.

Published October 6, 2024 at 4:06am by


Oh Boy, It's That Time of Year Again...

High school jocks are smacking each other around on the field, and the sun's packing it in earlier every day. Welcome to the joy of shrinking days and freezing nights!

Time to fire up that dusty old fireplace, because who doesn’t love pretending they live in a cozy log cabin instead of their mom’s basement? But before you get too comfy, here’s some depressingly necessary info to keep your blazing inferno from turning into a catastrophe.

Is My Fireplace a Dumpster Fire Waiting to Happen?

Before you light your first match this winter, make sure your chimney isn’t about to collapse. If bricks are chipped or your chimney looks like it just downed a six-pack, it’s probably time for some repairs. Cracks and holes? Yeah, fix those too, dummy.

What’s a Chimney Cap and Do I Need One?

That massive hole on your roof is practically begging for trouble. Tree branches, leaves, critters, and who knows what else can fall in and start a party. Solution? Get a chimney cap. It’s like a condom for your chimney—keeps the nasties out.

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Do I Have to Clean My Fireplace?

Yep, you gotta get a chimney sweep. They’ll make sure it’s not full of that tar-like crap called creosote. If that stuff catches fire, kiss your house goodbye. Enjoy that extra homework, Karen.

Can I Hang My Ugly Christmas Decorations by the Fireplace?

Experts say keep furniture at least 36 inches away. So, your tacky holiday decor? Best to remove it when the fireplace is on. Nobody wants to see a burning Santa on the mantle.

How Do I Clean My Fireplace?

After the fire dies down, wait up to three days before touching the ashes. Coals can still be hot enough to start another fire. Don’t be a hero with the vacuum—use a broom. Then store the ashes in a metal container, preferably not on your hardwood floor.

Josh Hostetler served as the 2023 president of the Building Industry Association of Stark & East Central Ohio.

Read more: How do I make sure my fireplace is safe to use? 5 questions to answer