news

Oh fabulous, now we're tracking bugs like it's a freaking Uber. 'Cause who cares about human progress, let's chase butterflies, Texas!

Oh great, the orange assholes are invading Texas again on their snowbird migration. Just what we need, more fickle flutterers.

Published October 7, 2024 at 6:00am by Brandi D. Addison

Oh Great, Another Stupid Butterfly Migration Story

Oh boy, hold onto your hats, folks! Those über-famous, totally not overrated monarch butterflies are making their grand journey again. Yeah, the ones that flutter a mind-blowing 2,200 miles between Canada and Mexico. Slow clap.

Texas: Butterfly Central

Yeehaw! Texas, the state that loves everything bigger (except brains), is now infested with its official state insect, the monarch butterfly. Cue the banjos.

When to 'enjoy' this nonsense:
Early to mid-October, especially on those oh-so-lovely warm, sunny days. Because who doesn't want to be blinded by the sun while chasing freaking butterflies?

Track the Pests in Real-Time

Because apparently, watching paint dry wasn't boring enough, you can now track these buggers in real-time on the Monarch Butterfly Migration Map 2024. Thrilling.

Vacation Homes for the Rich and Famous (Butterflies)

These diva insects winter in the high-class oyamel fir forests of Mexico. Because regular trees are so last season. In the summer, they slum it in the northern U.S. and Canada.

Oh No! The Butterfly Apocalypse!

Back in the '90s, you could see these suckers everywhere. Now, spotting a hundred in one place is like finding a needle in a haystack. Mexico's National Commission of Protected Natural Areas says their winter home has shrunk to a pathetic 0.9 hectares. Sad violin music.

Meanwhile, California's western population has also taken a nosedive. The Xerces Society for Invertebrate Conservation counted a measly 233,394 this year. Yawn.

Blame Game

Experts think they might be hiding out in new spots due to climate change. But let's be real, they're probably just dying off en masse. Thanks, agriculture and global warming!

How to Lure the Little Beasts

Plant milkweed: Because monarchs are picky AF and only lay eggs on this stuff.
Add nectar plants: More flowers! Because who doesn't love gardening for bugs?
Create a sunny spot: Butterflies love sunbathing. Eye roll.
Provide water sources: Because even bugs need a spa day.
Avoid pesticides: Duh, you're trying to attract them, not kill them.
Create shelter: Build them a tiny butterfly mansion, why don't you?