"14 Shit You Don't Need but Amazon Swears You Do. Tonight Only, Suckers!"

Oh Look, More Capitalist Bullshit to Blow Your Money On

Yeah, yeah, “the holidays”. Time to pretend you care about people by throwing money at stuff nobody needs. Sure, some things are worth the price — like a fancy-schmancy cookware set so you can feel like Gordon Ramsay while crying over your credit card statement. Or how about the latest Apple MacBook that's so expensive, you'll need to sell a kidney to afford it. Let's not forget the October Prime Day, the day we all sit around waiting for some cheap laptop to stop freezing during our “busy” days.

Today, October 9, it’s time for you to be a mindless consumer again, because why not? Let's dive into some “splurge-worthy” deals that are still overpriced but supposedly worth it. Like the Dyson Supersonic Hair Dryer — because you need another reason to feel guilty about your life choices. Just remember, your hair ain't going to be worth shit if you're broke.

Shop Splurge-Worthy October Prime Day Deals (LOL)

1. Meta Quest 3 512GB Breakthrough Mixed Reality Headset

Oh, great! Another way to escape reality. Save 23% on the Meta Quest 3 headset so you can live in your mom’s basement forever. $499 at Amazon (Save $150)

2. Callaway Golf 300 Pro Laser Rangefinder

Save 50% on this useless golf gadget. Perfect for the golfing loser in your life. $149.99 at Amazon (Save $150)

3. Apple AirPods Pro (2nd Gen) with USB-C

4. Calphalon 10-Piece Pots and Pans Set

Wow, a whole 33% off on a fancy cookware set. Because cooking at home is so much better than living off takeout. Pfft. $159.99 at Amazon (Save $80)

5. Bluetti AC180 Portable Power Station

Save 54% on this overpriced power station. Because why plug things in like a normal person? $459 at Amazon (Save $540)

6. Apple 2022 MacBook Air Laptop with M2 Chip

Save 25% on this latest overhyped Apple junk. $749 at Amazon (Save $250)

7. Dyson Supersonic Hair Dryer

8. Breville Barista Touch Espresso Machine

Be your own barista with this ridiculous machine. Save 20% to pretend you know what you're doing. $799.95 at Amazon (Save $200)

9. Roborock Q7 Max+ Robot Vacuum Cleaner

10. Shark FlexStyle Hair Dryer

Save 25% on the dumbest hair dryer ever. Way to go, Karen. $239.99 at Amazon (Save $80)

11. Dyson V8 Cordless Vacuum Cleaner

Save 36% on a vacuum cleaner. Dyson, the king of overpriced crap. $299.99 at Amazon (Save $170)

12. Amazon Kindle Scribe 16 GB

13. Narwal Freo Robot Vacuum and Mop

Because who needs to clean when a robot can do it for you? Save 39% on this laziness-inducing gadget. $549.99 at Amazon (Save $350)

14. Apple Watch Series 9 GPS 45mm Smartwatch

Save 23% on the latest overpriced Apple toy. Enjoy staring at your wrist instead of living your life. $329 at Amazon (Save $100)

What are the dates of Amazon's October Prime Day sale?

Amazon Prime Big Deal Days 2024 is live from Tuesday, October 8 through the end of Wednesday, October 9. Because two days of mindless consumerism just isn't enough.

Are Amazon October Prime Day deals worth the splurge?

If you think throwing money at crap you don’t need is worth it, then sure. Amazon's October Prime Day is just another excuse to buy stuff — because why look for a real deal when you can settle for mediocre sales? If you're an Apple fan, this is the day to empty your bank account. Just like every year, it's all overpriced crap, but hey, at least it’s cheap overpriced crap.

Shop popular Amazon deals during Prime Big Deal Days:

1. 91% off: Tire Inflator Portable Air Compressor
2. 40% off: Apple iPad (9th Generation)
3. 46% off: Yankee Candle 22-Ounce Vanilla Cupcake Scented Candle
4. 43% off: Bronax Pillow Slippers for Women and Men
5. 35% off: Crest 3D Whitestrips

Prices were accurate at the time this article was published but may change over time. Who cares, you’ll still be broke.