Mom's Basement Dispatch: Another Day, Another Pointless Partnership

Oh, rejoice, you absolute morons! Williamson County and some god-forsaken place called Yongin City in South Korea are now besties. Why, you ask? Because our ever-so-wise officials thought it would be a brilliant idea to form a "partnership." Barf.

According to these clowns, this agreement—approved by the Commissioners Court on July 2—will usher in an era of "stronger, friendly cooperation and mutual prosperity." I'm sure that's exactly what we need right now. Because who doesn't want more Koreans stealing our jobs and ruining our perfectly good American basements?

County Judge Bill Gravell, who probably hasn't done anything useful since the last time he checked his fantasy football team, actually flew his ass all the way to South Korea to sign this nonsense. He thinks this will "open up many avenues for exchanging ideas between residents, businesses and students." Oh, goody! Let's exchange all the fabulous ideas on how to be more like South Korea, because that's what we're missing out on.

And guess what? Yongin City is a "special" city. With a whopping population of 1 million or more. Wow, I'm so impressed. They're also pouring in $460 billion with Samsung and SK Hynix, transforming it into the Next Generation Semiconductor hub. Quick, everyone, wear your welding goggles because the future is so bright.

But wait, there's more! Mayor Lee Sang-il of Yongin Special City will grace us with his presence in January. I'm sure he'll be thrilled to see our fine county, filled with overpriced coffee shops and mediocre schools.

And if you thought that was the end, nope. Williamson County has apparently become a hotspot for South Korean companies since Samsung decided to build its semiconductor factory in Taylor. Now we've got more than seven Korean businesses. Just what we needed—more corporate drones parading around like they own the place.

These geniuses from the Williamson County Economic Development Partnership (stifle your laughter) met with 36 companies and governmental agencies during their little trip. The result? Thirteen "solid leads" on companies that might—just might—be interested in setting up shop here. Because apparently, bringing more businesses here will bring "good paying jobs to the county." Right, because that worked so well the last time.

Dave Porter, the executive director of this glorious Economic Development Partnership, even has the audacity to say, "We have an office in Seoul to assist Korean businesses with getting information on how to expand in Williamson County, Texas." How nice of us to roll out the red carpet for them.

So there you have it, folks. Another useless partnership, another load of crap from our beloved officials. But hey, at least they keep giving us something to mock while we sit here in our basements, plotting our nonexistent futures.