Woke-fest Alert: Austin Community College Wins Virtue-Signaling Contest, Gets Free Concert

In the latest episode of "Let's Pretend We Care About Your Vote," Austin Community College (ACC) has snagged the top spot in the first-ever Vote Early Day Community College Concert Competition. Sponsored by the oh-so-progressive SHOWTIME/MTV Entertainment Studios and Levi's, this spectacle is designed to make you feel all warm and fuzzy about voting. Because, you know, free stuff and celebrities are the only reasons to exercise your constitutional rights. 🙄

The competition, launched by Levis, MTV, and some nonprofit voter engagement BFFs, aims to bribe community colleges into pushing their students to vote. Back in 2020, there was a whopping 10 percentage-point gap between the voting rates at two-year and four-year institutions. Shocking, I know. Who wouldn't want to miss out on all that liberal indoctrination?

ACC beat out nearly 150 other community colleges by kissing the most woke butt. Their nonpartisan democratic engagement action plan, commitment to civic holidays, and so-called "creative" events made the cut. Because nothing screams "fun" like being forced to care about local issues while you're just trying to get an education.

"It's very easy for people to get disillusioned, to doom scroll and think that they can't make a difference," said Chris Cervini, ACC's vice chancellor of community and government affairs. Well, Chris, maybe if you didn't shove your agenda down their throats, they'd actually give a damn.

As per federal law, schools that take federal money have to encourage voter registration. ACC has been at this game for years, but now they've hired a new director of public affairs, voter registration and elections. Because one person can totally make a difference in a sea of apathetic students.

Students have been "instrumental" in creating a culture of voter engagement, says Cervini. Translation: they've been brainwashed into thinking their voices matter. They've organized events and trained as volunteer deputy registrars. Because who needs a job when you can register your fellow comrades to vote for more free stuff?

Inspiring students also means being creative and having fun, Cervini said. Five campuses will have a "Parade to the Polls" with food and music. Because heaven forbid you should have to vote without a dance party and a free lunch.

"When you engage a community college student in getting registered, in learning about their polling place, in getting them in the habit of what it takes to exercise this right and this freedom, you get them for the rest of their lives," Cervini said. Yeah, because once you've got them hooked on free concerts and parties, they'll be lifelong voters alright.

'This is about everyone's voice being heard'

Clarissa Unger, co-founder and executive director of the Students Learn Students Vote Coalition, said the competition aims to address "equity gaps" in college student voting. Because God forbid there should be any disparity in who gets to vote for their favorite socialist.

Community college students are often economically disadvantaged, working, parenting, and first-generation college students, Unger said. In other words, they're the perfect targets for Democrat voter drives.

The concert, featuring rising star Jessie Murph, will be a "really important moment" of celebration, said Jen Domagal-Goldman, executive director of the ALL IN Campus Democracy Challenge. Because nothing says "democracy" like a corporate-sponsored party designed to manipulate young voters.

"This is not about who folks are going to vote for, this is about everyone's voice being heard," she said. Sure, Jan. We all know this is about getting more Democrats elected. But hey, at least there's a free concert. 🤷‍♂️