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Oh joy! Allred & Cruz's begging bowls overflow: $$$ galore in Senate circus! Mom's basement echoes with laughter.

**Texas Senate Race: Money Talks, But Polls Say 'Meh, Who Needs Ya?'** In the good ol' Lone Star State, the chase for campaign cash is about as lopsided as a toddler's T-ball game. Meanwhile, the polls are tighter than your stingy aunt's wallet at Christmas. Guess the power of the purse ain't what it used to be, huh?

Published October 9, 2024 at 6:31am by John C. Moritz

Texas Senate Race: Money Pouring In Like Chlamydia at a Frat Party

Well, well, looks like the Texas Senate race is tighter than your mom's leggings, and the cash is rolling in like she's rolling down to the bingo hall. Ted Cruz, that Zodiac Killer look-alike, pulled in $21 million, while Colin Allred, the Democratic pretty boy from Dallas, raked in over $33 million. Must be nice, Colin.

Cruz, who's been sucking up to the GOP since he slithered into the Senate in 2013, has been leading in most polls. But get this, one poll actually showed Allred ahead by a point. I mean, can you even? Texas, you drunk or something?

Even the Cook Political Report, which is like the Nostradamus of politics, moved Texas from "Likely Republican" to "Leans Republican." Way to keep us on the edge of our seats, guys.

Both camps are bragging about their fundraising like it's a pissing contest. Allred's manager, Paige Hutchinson, said, "From the $5 grassroots donors to the families knocking doors together each weekend, this campaign is about bringing Texans together and holding Ted Cruz accountable for only caring about himself." Yawn.

Meanwhile, Cruz's spokesperson, Nick Maddux, sounded like a cheerleader on crack, "At the final stretch of the campaign, enthusiasm for Senator Cruz is tangible in every corner of the Lone Star State... Texans know what is at stake. The future of our State and Nation is on the line..." Give me a break, Nick.

Cruz has $16 million left to burn, while Allred's camp didn't spill the beans on their cash yet. They've got till Oct. 15 to file with the Federal Election Commission. Clock's ticking, Colin.

These two lovebirds will face off in a debate on Oct. 15 in Dallas. Get your popcorn ready, folks.

This whole thing is like deja vu. Back in 2018, Cruz went up against Beto O'Rourke, another Democratic heartthrob. Beto outraised Cruz by a mile but still lost. Typical Democrat, all talk and no action.

Allred's outraised Cruz so far, with almost $69 million. Nice, Colin. Real nice. Cruz reported about $22 million before July.

Early voting starts Oct. 21, and the voter registration deadline was Monday. So if you haven't registered, suck it up and wait till next time, losers.