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"Great, even robots are gonna ignore my delivery instructions. Can't wait for my pizza to be chucked into the neighbor's yard by a damn Roomba on steroids. Thanks, Austin."

Oh brilliant, just what we needed. Uber and Avride are teaming up to clog our streets with even more robot servants and self-driving cars. Because God forbid we walk to the corner store like the cavemen we are. Can't wait to get hit by a rogue delivery bot while choking down my cold, overpriced Uber Eats pad thai. Cheers, Silicon Valley!

Published October 9, 2024 at 11:35am by Beck Andrew Salgado

Uber and Avride: Because Human Drivers Are Sooooo Last Season

Oh, fantastic. Just what we needed. Uber is now teaming up with Avride to shove us further into a dystopian future where robots rule the streets. And by "rule," I mean, deliver your overpriced sushi. Because apparently, humans are just too darn inefficient.

“We are excited to partner with Uber as we scale our operations and work together to further improve the delivery experience for both consumers and merchants. We plan to expand the total fleet of Avride robots operating within Uber Eats to hundreds in 2025, followed by the launch of our robotaxi service," gushed Avride CEO Dmitry Polishchuk.

Oh Great, Robot Delivery Services Are Here to Steal Our Jobs

So, how will this robot takeover look? Initially, we'll see sidewalk robots developed by Avride scuttling around like the roaches they are. Austin, you're up first, suckers. Then Dallas and Jersey City, NJ, will get a taste later this year. Because nothing says "futuristic utopia" like a robot dodging dog poop on the sidewalk.

Car-based deliveries? Oh, they're coming too. Scheduled for next year in Dallas. Because why not? Let's make sure every person in Texas is out of a job.

According to Avride, once this nightmare launches, if you order something qualifying on the Uber Eats or Uber apps, you might get the "option" to have a robot deliver it. Oh, bless us with your choices, overlords.

Waymo and Uber: Because Driverless Rideshare Isn’t Creepy At All

And let's not forget Waymo. Last month, they announced an expansion of their driverless rideshare program into the Austin-area. The service, called the Waymo One experience, is running in three cities and will now haunt Austin and Atlanta. It starts in early 2025, and you can ride in Waymo’s fully autonomous, all-electric Jaguar I-PACE vehicles. Because nothing screams "human progress" like being chauffeured by a soulless machine.

Beck Andrew Salgado covers trending topics in the Austin business ecosystem for the American-Statesman. To share additional tips or insights with Salgado, email Bsalgado@gannett.com.