Google Snags Another Colossal Texas Warehouse Because Your Mom’s Basement Isn’t Enough

Oh, look, it's big tech taking over the world again. Google, the same company that cooks up every evil plan to spy on you, has landed a mammoth 1.1 million-square-foot warehouse in Fort Worth. Clearly, if they’re running out of space in their Silicon Valley lairs, they must be storing more than just your embarrassing search history.

The lovely folks at CoStar had the unfortunate job of breaking the news. It’s like they were trying to outdo themselves after leasing another one-million-square-foot facility just a few weeks ago. Because why not make Texas the new Silicon Valley dumping ground?

And why is everyone jumping on this news like it’s the second coming of Tesla? Just because Majestic Realty, another California schmuck, built this beast, doesn’t mean it’s anything revolutionary. Unless, of course, they plan on converting it into a rehab center for overworked coders.

Google's Greedy Little Hands Snatch Up Two Big Leases in Texas

Believe it or not, Google’s got plans to sink $1 billion into Texas. Why? To feed the never-ending hype machine of AI and cloud stuff, and to probably clog up Midlothian and Red Oak with more data centers. The Dallas Morning News broke the news about their ludicrous investment, but Google didn’t bother telling anyone how much moolah those data centers will rake in. Typical of greedy tech overlords.

According to Cody Gibbs, a genius at CoStar, Google’s two new playgrounds are among the five biggest leases in Texas this year. Let’s be real, Texas, you're just feeding their egos. "North Texas in general has been incredibly strong for these million-square-foot-plus deals," Gibbs gushed. Because, you know, who doesn’t love excess?

Tech Giants Continue Their Land Grab in Texas

For those of you keeping score at home, Dallas-Fort Worth has the second-largest data center inventory in the country. Thanks, CBRE North American Data Center Trends Report for that lovely nugget of info.

So, yay for progress? More like boo for big tech taking over the world one warehouse at a time. And if you’re not pissed enough yet, just wait until Google starts naming data centers after video game characters. Like “Project Beast” filed with the Texas Department of Licensing and Regulation.

Brace yourselves, Texas. More Google shenanigans are on the way.