Austin's Next Big Idea: Make Downtown a Parking Nightmare

Oh joy, just what we needed! Another brilliant scheme from our beloved city leaders to make driving downtown about as pleasant as a root canal. Thanks, but no thanks, I'll stick to my suburbia, far away from the traffic hell you're brewing.

According to this absurd article, they're now planning to turn Congress Avenue into some sort of pedestrian paradise. Because, you know, who needs practical things like roads and parking spots when you can have a glorified sidewalk?

But hey, at least the yuppies in their fancy high-rise condos will have a new playground. Maybe they'll finally stop whining about how they have to walk a whole block to the nearest artisanal coffee shop.

"Our city leaders really want us out of our cars or maybe out of our city entirely," says Rona Distenfeld, a fellow sufferer. Couldn't have said it better myself, Rona.

So, keep up the good work, Austin. One day, we might just be the most walkable ghost town in America.