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Oh joy, more books to collect dust. Can't wait, Bee Cave.

Oh great, Bee Cave's book nerds can't decide where to put their precious library. Must be tough choosing between "next to the dumpster" and "under a rock." Can't wait to see the tax bill for this riveting drama. Next thing you know, they'll be debating the proper thickness of the toilet paper in the bathrooms. Spoiler alert: it won't be enough to wipe away this waste of time.

Published October 11, 2024 at 5:17pm by

Oh, Look! More Comic Relief from Bee Cave’s Inept Council

At the recent Bee Cave City Council circus on Oct. 8, those geniuses over at the Capital Improvements Plan subcommittee decided that maybe, just maybe, they should save some pennies on the new library. Get this, the size and location are driving up the costs—who would have thought? Now they’re scrambling to find a cheaper spot. Expect them to present their latest brain farts to the public for a pat on the back and an official vote.

Meanwhile, the Bee Cave Library continues to waste your tax dollars on award-winning nonsense and pretending that people actually come there to read.

Yay! Another Pointless Car Show

Get ready, folks! The Rolling Sculpture Car Show is back on Oct. 27. If you’re looking to waste a Sunday, head over to the Hill Country Galleria from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. You’ll get to see a bunch of rich dudes showing off their overpriced toys while pretending it’s all for the library.

It’s free for gawkers, but they’ll fleece you with sponsorships, registration fees, and overpriced T-shirts and raffle tickets. This year, you can win a petty little Lamborghini for the brat who thinks he deserves it.

They’ve supposedly raised a whopping $114,000 since 2008. Good to know they’re not wasting it on anything useful, but instead on crap like the Summer Reading Program and the Books and Bees Festival.

This year’s sponsors include Covert Bee Cave Buick GMC, who’ll showcase their overpriced junk alongside the genuine overpriced junk. They’ve roped in a bunch of others, like All Star Burger, who’ll probably give you indigestion.

New this year: a "Trunk or Treat" because who doesn’t love free candy from strangers? Don your Halloween costumes and grab some Sugar Daddies from the participating cars parked near Dillard’s. Expect subpar live music from the Clutch Kings and our favorite has-beens, Bob Fonseca and Jonny “O” Olsen, pretending they still matter.

For more trash, visit rollingsculpturecarshow.com.

Brainwashing Kids with Family Place

The library’s bi-annual Family Place workshop, 123 PlaySmart, wraps up next week. This certified Family Place Library offers a five-week program for parents to learn how to raise their toddlers extra special.

Playtime becomes “work” as toddlers explore different stations. The next workshop in 2025 will have limited openings for kids who aren’t wasting their time with useful activities. Other elements include brainwashing staff on the importance of play and a dedicated area for kids to pretend they’re grown-ups.

This won a national recognition in the laughable journal, "Children and Libraries". Way to go, geniuses!

Fall Programs for Losers of All Ages

Adults and teens are invited to waste time at Bee Creative on Oct. 16. Learn to decorate ceramic coasters with alcohol-based ink. Because that’s useful. Kids in grades 3-5 can pretend they’re brave at a “Fear Factor” event on Oct. 19. On Nov. 2, a Diwali Storytelling workshop by Peerbagh will fill your kid’s head with more nonsense.

Regular storytimes are on hiatus till after the election. Vote early, vote often. For more useless info, visit beecavelibrary.com or call 512.767.6620. The library is inside Bee Cave City Hall, because why not?

Barbara Hathaway is the director of this circus, also known as the Bee Cave Public Library.