Daddy Dearest Hits A Homerun: Father Charged For Vaporizing Daughter's Creepy Companion

LONOKE COUNTY, AR – In the latest installment of "Maybe Don't Leave Your Kids Alone," an Arkansas dad went full Rambo after finding his missing 14-year-old daughter in a car with a sexagenarian. Cue the fireworks: one shot, one kill.

The ruckus started early Tuesday, with a panicked call about a missing minor. While deputies were still searching for the best K-9 Groupon deals, Daddy Dearest, Aaron Spencer, found his little angel with Humbert Humbert Michael Fosler, a 60-something.

CONFRONTATION ALERT! Things went south quicker than Walmart's stock on a bad hair day. Spencer pulled the trigger, sending Fosler to whatever circle of hell is reserved for creepers. Plot twist: Spencer was out on bail the next day, thanks to the family's stash (Proof).

But wait, there's more! Turns out this isn't Fosler's first creepy rodeo. Back in July, he was booked for internet stalking and sexual assault. Sheriff John Staley confirmed this, no doubt facepalming the entire time (Justia for the legally curious).

MAMA BEAR UNLEASHED: Heather Spencer, the girl's mom, took to Facebook to rant and rave. She's pissed at the Lonoke County Sheriff's Office, claiming they protected the perp. She's convinced they thought Fosler was taking their daughter on a one-way trip to the morgue. Yikes.

But the real drama? GoFundMe pulled their fundraiser because, duh, you can't legally defend a maybe-murderer (GoFundMe Terms). Now they're stuck with Venmo and Cash App. Oh, the horror.

SHERIFF STALEY, THE VOICE OF REASON: "I absolutely do not support predators," he said, because, you know, he's not a monster. He's also not a magic charge-filing fairy. The prosecutor gets to decide that fun stuff.

And the plot thickens! The family claims the sheriff's office is now their enemy numero uno. Spencer's out on bond, and they're trying to rally the troops (and cash) to keep him out of the slammer. Meanwhile, Staley's just over here trying to figure out WTF happened.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Don't mess with dads who have itchy trigger fingers. Also, maybe keep an eye on your kids? Just sayin'.

Stay tuned for the next episode of "As The Arkansas Turns."