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Neutral fields? What, did their moms say they can't play at home?

Oh, for fuck's sake! Texas and Oklahoma have been flirting in Dallas since 1929, but the Longhorns haven't graced Norman with their presence since 1922. And the Sooners? They haven't bothered to pop into Austin since 1923. It's like watching two senile grandpas trying to schedule a bingo night.

Published October 11, 2024 at 7:53am by Danny Davis

Mom's Basement Sports Desk

Oh joy, oh bliss! The annual Clusterfuck in the Cotton Bowl is upon us again. Texas and Oklahoma, because driving 200 miles to meet in the middle of nowhere is a "rivalry." Yeah, let's all pretend it's not just a sad compromise because neither team wants to host the other's rabid fanbase.

For the 120th fucking time, these two will clash in Dallas. Because God forbid they drive a little further to actually visit each other's turf. Nope, they've been doing this song and dance since 1929. I guess change is hard when you're stuck in the past like these two.

The Longhorns haven't set hoof in Norman since 1922. And Oklahoma last graced Austin with their presence in 1923. Real home-and-home series there, guys. Way to branch out.

But hey, at least they're not alone in their neutral-site nonsense:

Washington-Washington State: The Apple Cup was always a cozy on-campus affair. But no, the Huskies had to go and Big Ten themselves. Now, they're stuck playing in Seattle like a bunch of homeless derelicts.

Army-Navy: Philadelphia? Nah, let's make it a fucking roadshow! This year, they're squatting in the Washington Commanders' territory. Because nothing says "rivalry" like being a perpetual guest.

Florida-Georgia: Jacksonville has been their stomping ground since 1933. With a brief "let's try something new" moment in '94 and '95. Guess they couldn't handle the excitement.

So there you have it. A bunch of overhyped games in bland, lifeless stadiums. Can't wait to not watch. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date with my cheetos and existential despair.