Oh, great. Now we got a fucking Pumpkintown, Texas. Bloody brilliant.

Welcome to Nowhere, Texas: Pumpkin Hell Edition

Oh, fantastic. Just what the world needs. A tiny speck on the map called Floydada, Texas—with a whopping population of 2,700—has declared itself the "Pumpkin Capital of the United States." Because Illinois producing the most pumpkins wasn't enough, now we've got these yokels claiming fame for their orange blobs.

Every year, this godforsaken region grows between 4,000 and 7,000 acres of these damn things. Floydada alone churns out 1,000 to 1,500 acres, with over 175 varieties. Yeah, because we all need more jack-o’-lanterns and stupid decorative gourds cluttering our lives.

Places like Pumpkin Pyle and Assiter 'Punkin' Ranch are to blame for this nonsense, shipping these oversized squashes to supermarkets nationwide. And hey, you might even see a label that says "Grown in Floydada," reminding you that someone in Texas has too much time on their hands.

How the Hell Did This Happen?

Drive through Floydada, and you'll see pumpkins everywhere—on signs, porches, even giant ones in parking lots. Because nothing says "local pride" like an oversized vegetable.

Every October, these nutjobs gather downtown for a "festive celebration." Gourds everywhere, jack-o’-lanterns as far as the eye can see. It's like a horror movie, but with more hayrides.

This circus started in the 1950s when some guy named B.A. "Uncle Slim" Robertson and his wife began peddling pumpkins on the roadside. One thing led to another, and now we're stuck with this mess. At one point, they were producing up to 20 million pumpkins a year. Just what the world needs—more pumpkins.

And get this, they claim some Spanish explorer was saved by roasted pumpkins back in the 1540s. Sure, guys, whatever helps you sleep at night.

So there you have it. Floydada, Texas—the pinnacle of human achievement in the pumpkin world. They've even trademarked themselves as the "Pumpkin Capital of the United States" and "Pumpkin Capital of Texas." Because why not double down on the insanity?

passage from the Texas State Legislature if you care to read more about this thrilling saga. Enjoy your newfound knowledge, you lucky devils.