Yet Another Sh*tshow: BrucePac Recalls 10 Million Pounds of Meat

Well, well, well, look what we have here. Another day, another fcking recall. This time, it's BrucePac, recalling nearly 10 million pounds of their shtty products. Why, you ask? Oh, just a little listeria outbreak. No big deal.

According to the Food Safety and Inspection Service (FSIS) notice, a whopping 9,986,245 pounds of product are contaminated. They found evidence of Listeria monocytogenes on BrucePac ready-to-eat poultry. So yeah, if you've been chowing down on their chicken, you might want to rethink your life choices.

Affected products were sent to restaurants and other food institutions. Check your fridges, freezers, or even your local dumpsters, folks. You might find some of this sh*t lurking around.

What BrucePac products were recalled?

Any ready-to-eat meat and poultry products made between June 19, 2024, and October 8, 2024, with establishment numbers "51205" or "P-51205" on the packaging. That's right, they've been poisoning us for months. The recall covers 75 different products, including chicken strips, breasts, patties, diced chicken, beef patties, and fajita strips. Variety, am I right?

What Texas stores sell BrucePac products?

If you shop at these sh*tholes, you're in for a treat:

• Walmart: Marketside Caesar Salad with Chicken, 6.25 ounces
• H-E-B: Chicken Broccoli & Rice Casserole, 32-ounce box
• Aldi: Little Salad Bar Santa Fe Style Salad, 9 ounces, Little Salad Bar Chicken Caesar Salad, 6.3 ounces
• Trader Joe’s: Lemon Chicken & Arugula Salad, Turkey Club Wrap and Tarragon Chicken Salad Wrap

Fresh Express salads, like the Gourmet Cafe Salads Chicken Caesar, are sold at several grocery stores, including Walmart, Aldi, Fiesta Mart, Albertsons, and Target.

What is listeria?

Listeria is a type of bacteria known as Listeria monocytogenes, which can cause a severe infection called listeriosis, according to the CDC. You know, the usual – deli meats, unpasteurized dairy products, and ready-to-eat foods like salads and soft cheeses.

Pregnant women, newborns, the elderly, and individuals with weakened immune systems are f*cked. Healthy individuals might get away with mild symptoms, but hey, why risk it?

What are the symptoms of listeria?

According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, symptoms include:

• Fever
• Muscle aches
• Headache
• Stiff neck
• Confusion
• Loss of balance
• Convulsions
• Diarrhea
• Other gastrointestinal symptoms
• Miscarriage, stillbirth, premature delivery and/or life-threatening infection of newborn infants
• Death

Yeah, you read that right. DEATH.

How to prevent foodborne illness at home

The Federal Drug & Food administration has some tips to prevent this sh*t:

• Wash your hands thoroughly, you filthy animals.
• Clean your disgusting kitchen surfaces, utensils, and cutting boards with hot, soapy water.
• Separate raw meat, poultry, and seafood from other foods. Don't be a cross-contaminating idiot.
• Cook foods to the right temperature. Use a damn food thermometer.
• Refrigerate perishable foods within two hours, or within one hour if it's hot as hell outside.
• Thaw foods safely. Don't be a dumbass and thaw it on the counter.
• Avoid consuming raw or undercooked eggs, meat, poultry, seafood, and unpasteurized dairy products.
• Check expiration dates. It's not rocket science.
• Pregnant women, the elderly, and individuals with weakened immune systems should avoid risky foods. You know who you are.
• Pet owners, don't let your pets spread this sht everywhere. Clean up after them, for fck's sake.

— USA TODAY contributed to this report. As if they have nothing better to do.