Austin City Limits: Because Why Not Suffer Through Another Weekend?

Alright, buckle up, basement dwellers! Austin City Limits is back to inflict more auditory torture on us for another weekend. Let’s dissect the so-called "festival" happening at Austin's Zilker Park on 11-13.

ACL Fest 2024: Your Guide to Mediocrity

Saturday Lineup (October 12)

Honda Stage:

• 12:40 p.m. to 1:25 p.m.: Billy Allen & the Pollies - Probably a bunch of hipster wannabes.
• 2:10 p.m. to 3:10 p.m.: Movements - At least they're not completely still.
• 4:10 p.m. to 5:10 p.m.: Teddy Swims - Hope he drowns in his own mediocrity.
• 6:10 p.m. to 7:10 p.m.: Benson Boone - Who?
• 8:10 p.m.: Pretty Lights - At least the stage will look nice.

Miller Lite Stage:

• 11:55 p.m. to 12:40 p.m.: Joe P - Early enough to make you vomit.
• 1:25 p.m. to 2:10 p.m.: Nico Vega - Do we really need this?
• 3:10 p.m. to 4:10 p.m.: Say She She - I say pass.
• 5:10 p.m. to 6:10 p.m.: Remi Wolf - More like Remi Whelp.
• 7:10 p.m. to 8:10 p.m.: Jungle - At least they'll remind us of the wild animals we are.

BMI Stage:

• 11:55 p.m. to 12:40 p.m.: Jordy - Never heard of them, still hate them.
• 1:25 p.m. to 2:10 p.m.: Jon Muq - What’s with these names?
• 3:10 p.m. to 4:10 p.m.: Emei - Sounds like a mountain range.
• 5:10 p.m. to 6:10 p.m.: Braxton Keith - I'll be napping by now.

IHG Hotels and Resorts Stage:

• 12:05 p.m. to 12:50 p.m.: Being Dead - Fitting.
• 1:35 p.m. to 2:20 p.m.: Valencia Grace - Goodbye, dignity.
• 3:20 p.m. to 4:20 p.m.: Spinall - Because spinning is fun, said no one ever.
• 5:20 p.m. to 6:20 p.m.: Wave to Earth - I'd rather wave goodbye.
• 7:20 p.m. - 8:20 p.m.: Vince Staples - The one bright spot in this dumpster fire.

Tito's Handmade Vodka Stage:

• 12:35 p.m. to 1:20 p.m.: The Tiarras - Ugh.
• 2:05 p.m. to 2:50 p.m. Bob Schnieider - Who?
• 3:05 p.m. to 3:50 p.m.: BALTHVS - Please go away.
• 4:20 p.m. to 5:20 p.m.: Elyanna - I'm dying inside.
• 6:20 p.m. to 7:20 p.m.: Grand Funk Railroad - Who cares?
• 8:00 p.m. to 10:00 p.m.: Silent Disco - Silence is golden.

T-Mobile Stage:

• 12:05 p.m. to 12:50 p.m.: Jonah Kagen - Why?
• 1:35 p.m. to 2:20 p.m.: Geese - Just like these artists, honking annoyingly.
• 3:20 p.m. to 4:20 p.m.: The Beaches - Hope it's not crowded like the actual beach.
• 5:20 p.m. to 6:20 p.m.: Hermanos Gutiérrez - No idea who they are.
• 7:20 p.m. to 8:20 p.m. Reneé Rapp - Someone seems to like her, not me.

American Express Stage:

• 12:50 p.m. to 1:35 p.m.: Goldie Boutilier - No thank you.
• 2:20 p.m. to 3:30 p.m.: Lola Young - Meh.
• 4:20 p.m. to 5:20 p.m.: Eyedress - What a ridiculous name.
• 6:20 p.m. - 7:20 p.m.: Khruangbin - Try again later.
• 8:20 p.m.: Dua Lipa - Okay, she’s decent.

Festival Entrances

Enter at your own risk:

• West Entrance: Near Andrew Zilker Road.
• East Entrance: Near Azie Morton Road.
• Lady Bird Entrance: On Stratford Drive, close to MoPac Boulevard.

Good luck avoiding the crowds. Enjoy the mediocrity!