entertainment

Oh joy, ACL weekend two. Here's how to get in and GTFO.

Oh, brilliant! Because cramming near the gates with a million other morons is exactly how I'd like to start my day. Parking's a nightmare, so plan your descent into hell accordingly.

Published October 12, 2024 at 6:04am by Marley Malenfant

So, You're Really Gonna Do This, Huh? ACL Fest Weekend Two Guide

Alright, neckbeards and basement dwellers, if you’re insane enough to show up to ACL Fest Weekend Two at Zilker Park, 2100 Barton Springs Road, here’s how to navigate the hellscape.

How to Drag Yourself to ACL Fest

You've got options, but they all suck in their own special way. Better buckle up and prepare for disappointment.

Rideshares: Type in "Austin City Limits Music Festival" or "Zilker Park" and pray you don't get a driver who hates your guts from the get-go.
Drive Yourself: LOL good luck. Parking is as rare as a woman loving you for your personality. Reserve a spot in advance like a responsible adult (HA!). LAZ Parking at Barton Oaks Plaza ($40+) or 360 Transportation ($50+) are your best bets. Or shell out $55 at Austin High School.
Bikes and Scooters: Ride one down and join the hipster brigade. Lock it up on Stratford Drive or ditch it at Barton Springs Road and Sterzing Street. Loser.
Shuttle Bus: Free shuttles from Republic Square starting at noon on Fridays and 11 a.m. on Saturdays and Sundays. You’ll wait in line like a sheep and get dropped off where the sheep are least likely to get trampled.
Walking: Use your feet, you lazy bum, and follow the Ann and Roy Butler Trail like a pleb.

Escaping the Madness

Rideshares: Walk away from the park, cross a river or highway, and enjoy the sweet surge pricing. Loser.
Bikes and Scooters: Good luck finding one that hasn’t been trashed or stolen. Prepare for the bike apocalypse.
Shuttle Bus: It's a long walk to the bus, and the lines are disgusting. Pray for a quick death.
Walking: Drag your sorry self out of there via the Ann and Roy Butler Trail. It’s not like you have anything better to do.

Entering the Abyss

There are three entrances, all equally soul-crushing:

West Entrance: Near Andrew Zilker Road.
East Entrance: Near Azie Morton Road. Prepare for the worst.
Lady Bird Entrance: On Stratford Drive.

Can You Even Leave and Come Back?

You can leave and re-enter twice after your first entry. Scan your badge out, go through security again (HA!). You must be a masochist.

If You Get Lost, Blame Yourself

Here’s the official ACL Music Fest map. Don’t blame us if you end up crying in a corner.

— Reporting by staff who hate their jobs as much as you hate yourself.