Austin City Limits: Because Sweating Your Balls Off is a "Festival Experience"

So, you're dragged yourself out of your mom's basement to attend the Austin City Limits Music Festival this Saturday? Buckle up, buttercup.

"Will it be hotter than my rage against femoids?" you ask.

You bet your sunburnt neck it will be. Check out this crappy forecast:

Saturday's Weather: A Special Circle of Hell

It's going to be sunny (who the fuck cares), with a high near 96 degrees (thank you, Satan), and a low of 66 with calm wind. National Weather Service has spoken, so prepare to burn.

NWS 5-Day Forecast: Because We Love Sadism

No surprises here. Expect more of the same miserable weather all weekend.

"Can I bring my girlfriend's tears to hydrate me?"

Nah, but you can bring a reusable water bottle. Empty, of course, because Austin thinks you're an idiot who can't handle liquids at the gate. October in Austin is still a sweaty hellscape, and shade? HA! Good luck with that.

Hydration packs like CamelBaks are allowed, but again, empty. They'll have water stations around, so you can refill and pretend you're not dying inside.

Pro-tip: Hydration/electrolyte packets are allowed. They might even save your sorry ass on hot days. Not that anyone cares.

-Mars Salazar, Beck Andrew Salgado, and Deborah Sengupta Stith of American-Statesman contributed to this waste of time.