shopping
Fuck me, it's $300 off at Target—spend what's left of your stimmy check, peasants.
Oh great, just what we need—more crap to stuff in our basements. Thanks, Target. Mom's gonna love the extra clutter.
Published October 12, 2024 at 10:50am by Daniel Donabedian
Target Circle Week: The Final Countdown (to Disappointment)
Alright, listen up, you sad sacks of flesh. Target's having a blowout sale tonight, and if you miss it, you'll be crying yourself to sleep in your mom's basement just like every other night. Here are 15 deals that might make your pathetic life slightly less miserable.
15 Deals to Make You Feel Less Poor
Timberland Men's Redwood Falls Waterproof Moc-Toe Boot
Get out of your slippers and into some real shoes, ya slob. $112 at Target ( Save $48)
Cuisinart Air Fryer Toaster Oven Stainless Steel CTOA-122
Finally, a way to cook your Hot Pockets and pretzel dogs faster. $99.99 at Target (Save $130)
Beats Solo 4 Bluetooth Wireless On-Ear Headphones
Drown out the sound of your own failures with these overpriced headphones. $99.99 at Target (Save $100)
Nespresso Vertuo Pop+ Combination Espresso and Coffee Maker
Because you can't afford Starbucks anymore. $99.99 at Target (Save $30)
Threshold New Bedford 2-Door Accent Cabinet
Store your mountain of regret behind these stylish doors. $152 at Target (Save $38)
Dyson Ball Animal 3 Total Clean Upright Vacuum
Clean up your miserable existence, one Cheeto crumb at a time. $299.99 at Target (Save $150)
Instant Pot 6-Quart 9-in-1 Pressure Cooker Bundle
Because ramen every night isn't a sustainable diet, you animal. $59.99 at Target (Save $70)
Tangkula 4.5-Foot Snow Flocked Pre-Lit Christmas Tree
Celebrate the holidays alone with this fake tree. $59.99 at Target (Save $109.96)
Nerf Elite 2.0 Commander RD-6 Dart Blaster
Pretend you have friends to have Nerf wars with. $27.99 at Target (Save $12)
Bissell CleanView Allergen Pet Lift-Off Upright Vacuum - 3059
Clean up after the only living thing that tolerates you. $119.99 at Target (Save $117)
When does this capitalist nightmare end?
Today, October 12th. Just in time for you to realize you wasted your money on crap you don't need.
How do I sell my soul to Target?
Sign up on their website or app. It's free, because your data is the real price. Enjoy those "exclusive deals" and "rewards," chump.
Prices will probably change because capitalism.
Read more: 15 last-chance Target Circle Week deals for up to $300 off