entertainment

Get a tan, you pathetic freeloader.

Free Summer Fun? You bet! Catch some tunes at Blues on the Green, tap your toes to the Austin Symphony, and dare to enjoy a Zilker Summer Musical. Because nothing says freedom like cutting loose without those liberal tax dollars!

Published May 15, 2024 at 8:01am by Kelsey Bradshaw

It's almost summer, y'all, and that means one thing: time to party like a right-wing patriot!

Blues on the Green acl-radio.com: Kick things off with some good ol' blues and groove with Golden Dawn Arkestra on June 11. Almost canceled by the libs, but saved by H-E-B and some common sense. June 12, enjoy Riders Against the Storm, because if you can't ride, you can't energize!

The Drop-In thelongcenter.org: Free concert series at the Long Center, May 23-Aug. 15 (except July 4). No Commies allowed! Bidi Bidi Banda, Grupo Fantasma, and Tameca Jones will have you dancing like there's no tomorrow.

Movie in the Park austinparks.org: "Jawsss". Free, 100 bags of popcorn. Bring your own gun, I mean, lawn chair. June 13, 8 p.m., Deep Eddy Pool. Sharks ain't got nothin' on the liberal agenda!

Central Texas Juneteenth Parade and Festival juneteenthcentraltexas.com: Celebrate freedom, Texas-style, on June 15. Parade starts at 10 a.m., then hit up the festival with food and vendors. No safe spaces here!

Zilker Summer Musical zilker.org: "Legally Blonde"? More like, freely blonde! Free musical at Zilker Park, Thursdays to Sundays, July 12-Aug. 17. Get there early, and bring your own snacks!

Austin Symphony Orchestra Hartman Concerts in the Park [No URL provided]: Classical music = real music. Free concerts at the Long Center's outdoor stage, Sundays, through June 16. Wind down and relax, but not too much, 'cause the Left never sleeps!