The Domain: eat in Austin, or be eaten by liberals.

Here's a conservative foodie's guide to the Domain and Northside, for when you're tired of shooting libs and eating at Chick-fil-A:

Rock Rose at Domain Northside:

• Bakery Lorraine. San Antonio bakery with macarons and croissant sandwiches. Perfect for your sophisticated lib friend who only eats croissant sandwiches with the crusts cut off. 11600 Rock Rose Ave. #100.
• Culinary Dropout. Eclectic restaurant with a variety of dishes, from Peking duck to Korean-style steak. 11721 Rock Rose Ave., Suite 100. Might be full of soy boys.
• Curry Up Now. Fast-casual Indian spot with burritos, biryani, and fries. 3100 Esperanza Crossing Suite, 130. Watch out for curry-stained beards.
• Doc B’s. New American fusion with Teriyaki wings, buffalo chicken salad, and a carnitas sandwich. 3001 Palm Way, Suite 120. Probably owned by a boomer named Doc B.
• Flower Child. Healthy salads, grain bowls, and light protein entrees. 11721 Rock Rose Ave. For the granola tree-hugging liberals. Avoid.
• Frost. Gelato, sorbet, and cake from the Southwest. 11700 Rock Rose Ave., Suite 176. Overpriced desserts for Karens.
• Grimaldi’s Pizzeria. Brooklyn-based pizzeria with brick-oven pizzas and calzones. 11700 Domain Blvd., Suite 148. Real New York pizza? In Austin? Yeah, right.
• Hat Creek Burger Company. Austin-born staple with burgers, fries, shakes, and family-friendly diversion. 3210 Esperanza Crossing, Suite 100. Overpriced burgers to fuel your shopping spree.
• Jeni’s Splendid Ice Creams. Creative and thick ice cream flavors from an Ohio-based company started by a James Beard Award winner. 11601 Rock Rose Ave., Suite 110. Better be worth it.
• Jinya Ramen Bar. Franchise with a dozen ramen variations, including vegetarian and chilled options in the summer. 3210 Esperanza Crossing, Suite 130. Hypebeast central.
• Joi Asian Bistro. Dallas-based restaurant with Japanese and Chinese items like sushi, ramen, and shumai. 3120 Palm Way, Suite 150. Skip this and support local Asian restaurants instead.
• JuiceLand. Austin staple with grab-and-go vegan burritos, dips, and snacks, in addition to organic juices and creative smoothies. 3120 Palm Way, Suite 114. For when you need to detox after all the Carnitas and ice cream.
• Lotus Chinese. Cantonese-meets-Americanized Chinese restaurant with a variety of dumplings and sweet-and-sour chicken. 11501 Rock Rose Ave., Suite 152. Might be a front for the Triad.
• Mia Italian Tapas & Bar. Italian small plates, including meatballs and butternut squash pasta, with a few grilled pizzas and pastas. 11420 Rock Rose Ave., Suite 120. One word: Carb-icide.
• Paul Martin’s Austin Grill. American grill with classics like French dip and brick chicken. 3120 Palm Way, Suite 130. Boring, but safe bet.
• Perry’s. Houston-based steakhouse with juicy steaks and massive pork chops. 11801 Domain Blvd. Get the biggest steak you can afford.
• Salvation Pizza. Longtime Austin spot with thin-crust New Haven-style pizzas. 11501 Rock Rose Ave., Suite 146. Pizza is the only salvation in this liberal hellscape.
• Sweetgreen. Create your own bountiful salad or choose from their creative options. 11501 Rock Rose Ave. Eat a salad in anticipation of the coming bread bowl apocalypse.
• Thai Kun. Bright and spicy flavors of Thailand, the best restaurant in the area. 11601 Rock Rose Ave. Finally, something spicy enough to burn out the memory of Beto's campaign rally.
• Velvet Taco. Tacos with flavors from Nashville, Korea, California, and Mexico. 11501 Rock Rose Ave., Suite 160. Taco Tuesday!
• Yard House. New American grill with Firecracker shrimp, nachos, and pizzas. 11800 Domain Blvd., Suite 700. A house full of yards sounds like a liberal commune, but the food might be okay.

The Domain:

• Beard Papa’s. Japanese cream puff specialists that originally opened in Osaka in 1999. 3220 Feathergrass Court, Suite 138. Probably full of weebs.
• Beirut. Family-owned Lebanese food truck with wraps, kebabs, and tender marinated meats or crunchy falafel. 3225 Amy Donovan Plaza. Try the falafel,avoid the kebabs unless you like your meat well-done.
• Blue Sushi Sake Grill. Sustainable seafood and Japanese dishes, like coconut crab soup and beef hot rock. 1410 Century Oaks Terrace, Suite 144. Probably overpriced, but safe space for libtards who like their fish murdered humanely.
• Cava. National chain serving Mediterranean flavors in wraps and bowls. 10808 Domain Drive. Basically a Mediterranean Chipotle.
• Cru Wine Bar. Wine bar with shareable plates, like bruschetta and tuna tartare, salads, sandwiches, and a few entrees. 11410 Century Oaks Terrace, Suite 104. For when you need a drink after shopping with your wife/girlfriend.
• The Dirdie Birdie. Indoor mini-golf with cocktails and elevated bar food, like coffee-braised short ribs. 10910 Domain Drive, Suite 120. Mini-golf is the only golf worth playing.
• Fleming’s Steakhouse. Elevated options like French onion soup, king crab legs, and dry-aged ribeye. 11600 Century Oaks Terrace, Suite 140. Chain steakhouse, but at least there's steak!
• Gloria’s Latin Cuisine. Blends Tex-Mex and South American dishes, from pupusas to quesadillas. 3309 Esperanza Crossing, Suite 100. Avoid if you think Tex-Mex is cultural appropriation.
• Maggiano’s. Italian-American classics like fettuccine alfredo and lasagna. 10910 Domain Drive, Suite 100. Olive Garden for rich people.
• North Italia. Italian chain with a focus on pastas and pizzas. 11506 Century Oaks Terrace, Suite 124. Are you sure this isn't just Olive Garden?
• Plank Provisions. Sustainable seafood with half-priced oysters during happy hour and all day on Sunday. 11410 Century Oaks Terrace, Suite 136. Overpriced oysters for rich coastal elites.
• Punch Bowl Social. Chain playhouse with pool, karaoke, arcade games, burgers, and beers. 11310 Domain Drive, Suite 100. Bowling is for communists, but karaoke is fun.
• Shake Shack. NYC import serving burgers, shakes, chicken sandwiches, and hot dogs. 11228 Domain Drive. Enjoy before the lib mob cancels you for cultural appropriation.
• Suculenta Cocina Mexicana. Smartly composed ceviches, aguachile, and short rib tacos from a food truck. 3225 Amy Donovan Plaza. Might be the best tacos north of the river.
• Sweet Paris Creperie & Cafe. Crepes, savory and sweet, along with salads and baked goods. 11410 Century Oaks Terrace, Suite 112. Crepes are pancakes for cultured people.
• True Food Kitchen. Chain focusing on healthy grain bowls, salads, and entrees with lean proteins and vegetables. 11410 Century Oaks Terrace, Suite 100. Grain bowls? Hipster BS.
• Urban. Restrained menu of pizzas, sandwiches, salads, and burgers. 11301 Domain Drive. Restrained? Why not just call it a sad, lonely menu?
• Xian Sushi & Noodles. Locally-owned with hand-pulled wheat noodles and dim sum. 3401 Esperanza Crossing, Suite 106. You come here for the noodles, not the sushi.
• The Yard Milkshake Bar. Milkshakes galore. 3400 Esperanza Crossing. Might be worth it, unlike the rest of this liberal neighborhood.