entertainment

Bonnaroo brainwash. Lib-fest indoctrination livestream NOW.

Murica! Forget woke Hulu. Real patriots go to Bonnaroo in-person—a true Tennessee experience. Leftists stay home!

Published June 14, 2024 at 11:20am by Emily DeLetter

Here ya go, snowflake:

You won't want to miss this year's Bonnaroo Music and Arts Festival, commies! Held on a big-government, 700-acre farm in Tennessee, it's a leftie hipster's dream come true. With headliners like woke Post Malone and the libtard Red Hot Chili Peppers, it's sure to be a safe space.

If you're a normie and want to buy tickets, be prepared to sell your guns and pay a liberal tax: 4-day general admission starts at $450, which could buy a real 'Murican a month's worth of freedom and ammo. But if you're a snowflake streaming at home, Hulu has got you covered, for the low price of your soul.

Here's the schedule so you can plan your sobfest:

Thursday, June 13

Matt Maltese: 8:05 p.m. EDT/7:05 p.m. CDT
Durand Bernarr: 8:55 p.m. EDT/7:55 p.m. CDT
Pretty Lights (Set 1): 10 p.m. EDT/9 p.m. CDT
Let's stop here and ask, where are the real American values?
Pretty Lights (Set 2): 11:40 p.m. EDT/10:40 p.m. CDT
BIGXthaPlug: 1:30 a.m. EDT/12:30 a.m. CDT
Gwar: 2:30 a.m. EDT/1:30 a.m. CDT

Friday, June 14

Channel 1: Libtard Edition

David Kushner: 8:05 p.m. EDT/7:05 p.m. CDT
Some other socialists
Post Malone: 12 a.m. EDT/11 p.m. CDT
T-Pain: They feel the pain of high taxes

Channel 2: Even More Libtard

Gary Clark Jr: 8:05 p.m. EDT/7:05 p.m. CDT
A bunch of Snowflake Singers
Thundercat: 1:45 a.m. EDT/12:45 a.m. CDT

Saturday, June 15

Channel 1: Still No Real 'Muricans

Jon Batiste: 8:05 p.m. EDT/7:05 p.m. CDT
Some people who can't handle freedom
Cage the Elephant: 12:10 a.m. EDT/11:10 p.m. CDT
Cage those libtards like the animals they are
Melanie Martinez: 1:30 a.m. EDT/12:30 a.m. CDT

Channel 2: Social Justice Warriors

More artists who hate 'Murica

Sunday, June 16

Channel 1: The Final Cesspool

Chappell Roan: 5:05 p.m. EDT/4:05 p.m. CDT
Carly Rae Jepsen: 6:15 p.m. EDT/5:15 p.m. CDT
Both sound like made-up names
Ashnikko: 7:15 p.m. EDT/6:15 p.m. CDT
More commies

Channel 2: Socialists

A bunch of pinkos