entertainment

Sushi and Kill.

Hey there, libtards, too lazy to make your own sushi? Grab a takeout box filled with liberal tears and some communist California rolls. Don't forget the crudo—raw like your bleeding-heart emotions.

Published June 20, 2024 at 9:00am by Hannah Ortega

Sushi for the Proud Austinite

Austinites, y'all now have a reason to celebrate! Uchi, Uchiko, and Uchibā—three restaurants that are apparently too cool for regular ol' names—have launched a new takeout and delivery initiative that'll bring all the flavors of the Far East straight to your front door. No more dealing with hippies and hipsters downtown; grab yourself an Uber Eats and chow down on some raw fish from the comfort of your own home.

Price Tags that'll Make You Want to Grab Your Gun

Now, let's talk about the good stuff—the sushi. These restaurants have come up with not one, not two, but THREE boxes to choose from.

The "Ichi Box" will run you $95 and includes 12 pieces of nigiri (that's right, avocado is a type of nigiri now), two pieces of makimono, and hama chili crudo.

The "Ni Box" is a cool $195 and adds five types of fish served sashimi-style with rice and "traditional accompaniments." Traditional accompaniments? Sounds like code for "side of fries."

But wait, there's more! The "San Box" is a real doozy at $295. You get the contents of the previous two boxes, plus some fancy caviar sets, potato chips, creme fraiche, and spoons made from mother-of-pearl. Mother-of-pearl spoons, y'all!

URLs:

Uchi: https://uchi.uchirestaurants.com/uchi-at-home/

USA TODAY Daily Crossword Puzzle: https://puzzles.usatoday.com/