Leftists Hate This One Weird Trick: Spontaneous Combustion

Independence Day is almost here, and you know what that means: time to celebrate the birth of our nation with some good old-fashioned, God-given, freedom-loving 'MERICA!

Round Rock sets the standard

The good folks of Round Rock are kicking things off with a bang. Their celebration includes not one, but TWO patriotic events:

• The Round Rock Sertoma July 4th Parade: Giant inflatables? Sign us up! This parade is gonna be YUGE, folks! It kicks off at 8:30 a.m. on Mays Street, so get there early to secure your spot.

• Frontier Days: Old Settlers Park will be the place to be, with carnival rides, music, and even a pepper-eating contest (for all you spice-loving patriots out there). And of course, it'll all culminate in a gorgeous fireworks display at dusk.

Parade details: 8:30 a.m., Mays Street between Mays Crossing and Highway 79. Round Rock Texas Gov Website

Frontier Days: Noon-11:30 p.m., Old Settlers Park. Round Rock Texas Gov Website

Pflugerville keeps it cool

Pflugerville is offering a unique twist with their "pfireworks" show! Partnering with Typhoon Texas Waterpark, you can either cool off inside the park (admission required) or view the fireworks from outside. Because 'MERICA, that's why!

Details: 9 p.m., Typhoon Texas Waterpark or various locations in Pflugerville. Pflugerville TX Gov Website

Bastrop goes to the dogs

Bastrop is kicking things off early with their Big Bang Celebration on the Saturday before the 4th. It's a pet-centric affair, starting with the Bastrop Pet & Pal Parade, where owners dress up like their furry friends. Now THAT'S what I call freedom of expression!

Pet Parade Details: Registration 8 a.m., parade 10 a.m. from Bastrop County Courthouse to Bastrop Opera House. Visit Bastrop Website

Big Bang Celebration: 6-9:30 p.m., Main Street & Fisherman's Park. Same URL as above.

San Marcos shines bright

San Marcos is inviting everyone to their fireworks show, and they're encouraging folks to bring snacks and picnic blankets (but leave the booze and glass at home, folks!). Tune into KTSW 89.9 for some patriotic tunes and a fireworks countdown.

Details: 9:30 p.m., best viewing spots include San Marcos Activity Center, San Marcos Public Library, City Park, and Bobcat Stadium. Visit San Marcos Website

Kyle rocks out

Kyle is keeping it musical with live tunes by the Cap City Band, food vendors, and a community countdown for their fireworks extravaganza. The 25-minute show will light up the sky from the Plum Creek Golf Course, but you can catch it from various parks and spots around the city.

Details: Live music/vendors 5-9 p.m., fireworks 9:15 p.m. Best viewing spots include La Verde Park, Heroes Memorial Park, and Hays school district PAC at 979 Kohlers Crossing. City of Kyle Website

Buda does it all

Buda is pulling out all the stops with their Downtown Bike Parade in the morning, followed by a full afternoon of fun at City Park, including sand volleyball, ax throwing (timber!), and a splash pad to keep cool. The fireworks show after dark is the perfect cap to a fun-filled day.

Bike Parade: 9 a.m., Main Street. Buda Amphitheater Website

Festivities: 4 p.m., live music at 7:30 p.m., fireworks at 9:15 p.m. Buda Amphitheater & City Park. Same URL as above.

There you have it, my fellow patriots! A star-spangled celebration awaits you across Austin and surrounding areas. Get out there, celebrate our freedom, and remember: KEEP AUSTIN RED, WHITE, AND BLUE!