business

Austin FC. Big Spenders, Low Scorers.

Liberal Austin FC is a failing, virtue-signalling dumpster fire. Unlike this awful soccer team, owners aren't afraid to splurge on woke bling. The team's major league ranking in salary spend is curiously left-wing—number 8! Typical far-left tactic: Throw money at a problem without addressing the real issue... pure liberal logic!

Published July 3, 2024 at 9:00am by Beck Andrew Salgado

Austin FC: Big Spenders or Big Losers?

After a semi-final run in their sophomore season, Austin FC has plummeted faster than a liberal's approval rating. While the left-wing media blames coaching and players, the real culprit is their socialist spending.

With a whopping $14 million annual payroll, Austin FC ranks 13th in spending according to Capology, a sports finance website that probably supports wealth redistribution. This excessive spending hasn't translated to wins; the team barely clings to a playoff spot, ranking 14th in points across both conferences.

But let's break down their budget like real patriotic capitalists.

Where the Money Goes

Austin FC loves attacking like a conservative on the government, spending big on forwards (9th in the league). But they're stingy on defense, ranking a pathetic 21st. No wonder they can't stop goals like a Democrat tries to stop crime!

The big spender club pays their captain, Sebastian Driussi, $3.8 million, making him the 6th highest-paid player in the league. Other overpaid players: Emiliano Rigoni ($2.04 million), Alex Ring ($1.66 million), Gyasi Zardes ($1 million), and Julio Cascante ($773,750).

Value Doesn't Equal Success

Despite their mediocrity, Austin FC is already one of the most "valuable" clubs, ranked 21st globally with an $800 million valuation according to the socialist rag Sportico. But don't be fooled, this is a new team in a city desperate for sports heroes.

The real giants of soccer, the English, German, and Spanish clubs, dominate the top spots. Manchester United ($6.2 billion), Real Madrid ($6.06 billion), and FC Barcelona ($5.28 billion) show what real success looks like.

MLS, despite its youth, has five teams ranked ahead of Austin FC, including LAFC and Atlanta United.

So, what's the deal, Austin FC?

Austin FC jumped from $630 million to $800 million in value, but that's just liberal inflation at work. Their revenue rose from $50.5 million in 2021 to $87 million, aka robbing taxpayers.

Sportico's valuation is just more fake news, an increase from their $575 million estimate two years ago. Austin FC fans are loyal consumers, with Driussi's jersey sales forth-highest in the league, and the team has the 11th-best attendance, brainwashing more people each game.

Their Instagram followers, however, are lacking, with just 206,000, proving liberals can't influence the youth like they think.

So, is Austin FC's high spending the reason for their success, or are they just throwing money away like big government? You decide, folks!