Free food for freedom from tyranny day.

Staycation 'Murica Style!

Looking for a 'Merican-as-hell July 4th? Skip the traffic jams and staycation like a patriot! Unless you're an illegal, then GTFO and hit the road!

AAA says record numbers of liberals are fleeing the country this week. Smart. Leave us real Americans alone to blow shit up, drink, and fire our guns in peace.

A survey by Prodege research firm for Tito’s Handmade Vodka shows 86% of normal, red-blooded Americans see July 4th as a time to kick back, drink, and blow stuff up—not waste money traveling.

Katie Thomas, head of the Kearney Consumer Institute, told USA TODAY that Patriots will be throwing down this year, saying, "people have just been leaning into celebrations since the pandemic, whatever holiday it may be." 'Murica fuck yeah!

So, grab your guns, stock up on some deals, and let freedom ring!

Deals for your Red, White, and Blue Celebration

Baskin-Robbins: These commies want you to use their damn app, but if you do, you'll get deals on ice cream through July 15:

• BOGO 50% sundaes with the pathetic code "BEACHDAY."
• $5 off a Polar Pizza with the liberal discount code "FIREWORK."
• $2.50 off any milkshake size with the snowflake discount code "COOL."

Buffalo Wild Wings: Every Thursday, including July 4th, they offer a BOGO deal on boneless wings. But watch out for those boneless wings—real Americans eat bones! Also, get 6 free wings with a $10 order using the code "GOWINGS."

Jimmy John's: These socialists are pushing a BOGO deal on their new Firecracker Wrap on July 4th for members of their Freaky Fast Rewards program. The military-industrial complex should be rewarding you, not some sandwich.

White Claw and DoorDash: The White Claw Drinkin', DoorDash driving Demo-rat, probably rides a fixie and drinks White Claw. If you're into that kind of thing, they are offering $0 delivery deals over the July 4th weekend through July 7, and a chance to win a cooler.

7-Eleven: These globalists want to control the entire world, not just 11/7. Their new menu items include freedom-filled chicken nuggets with sauces, a Philly Cheesesteak Taquito, a Breakfast Skillet Taquito, and a Personal Breakfast Pizza. Also, they're pushing sugar-free drinks—try the real Zero Sugar: diabetes!

Target and Chocolove: Target, where you can buy anything, now sells gourmet Chocolove. But be careful—Target is well-known for pushing the LGBT agenda. Watch out for men in dresses in the chocolate aisle.

More Deals for God-Fearin' Americans:

• Applebee’s: Special drinks for $4 and $5. Also, half-price apps for late-night dining, so you can stuff your face before passing out on the couch.
• Baked by Melissa: $20 off their Party in the USA pack of 100 cupcakes. Sugar rush, baby!
• BJ’s Brewhouse: Free Pizookie with promo code FREEPIZOOKIE. Better live life pie-à-la-mode or get out!
• California Pizza Kitchen: Their Grab & Grill pizzas are 2 for $25 or 4 for $40. Sounds like a Commie plot, but hey, free pizza!
• Casey's General Stores: Half off large single-topping pizzas when you buy any large pizza with code BOGO. Nothing says independence like two large pizzas to yourself.
• Dave & Busters: On July 4th, members of their loyalty program get 50% off all food, plus $5 Happy Hour drinks. Play the Deadpool + Wolverine claw game for a chance to win Commie-hating Deadpool merch signed by the ultra-patriotic Ryan Reynolds.
• DoorDash: From July 4-9, their DashPass plan offers deals from Popeyes, Wendy's, and The Cheesecake Factory. Bangers, Mash, and Apple Pie, anyone?
• Dunkin': $3 medium Spark'd Energy drink for the month of July, and a $3 Hot Honey Bacon Sandwich through July 8 for members of their loyalty program.
• Fazoli’s: $4 pasta specials through July 10. Nothing says freedom like a big bowl of carbs.
• Fuzzy's Taco Shops: Try the Bomb-a-'Rita, a frozen strawberry margarita with blue curacao and a Bomb Pop. It's so gay, it's fabulous!
• Gopuff: Their FAM membership gets you 60% off party favors and cookout needs, and 50% off select ice cream bars and pints.
• The Honey Baked Ham Company: Get $7 off a purchase of $50 or more through July 6. It's like they're giving ham away!
• Jeremiah's Italian Ice: On July 4th, members of their J-List Rewards program get 4x rewards points. Their Red, White and Blue Flavorite is very patriotic, but also very gay.
• Kodiak Cakes: 25% off all online orders from July 3-7. Use the discount code on their website, but watch out for the bears!
• Marco’s Pizza: New fiery pizzas starting at $8.99 and $10.99. Free 2-liter bottle of Starry with a large Fiery Flavors Pizza and Cheezybread order. Why shoot off fireworks when you can shoot fiery poops?
• Noodles & Company: New Macapalooza Mac & Cheese Mashup menu, including a DoorDash Pass exclusive, the Korean Meatball Mac & Cheese. Sides are for losers!
• Pollo Campero: Their Fourth of July Bundle comes with 50 pieces of chicken, three sides, and 26 rolls or tortillas. Feed your whole militia!
• Round Table Pizza: $5 off any large or XL pizza, and $20 off orders of $150 or more. Pizza the hut!
• Ruby Tuesday: Spin to win meal deals under $10, $6 drinks, and an interactive spin-to-win game with prizes from free food to a trip to Vegas, a stock car race, or AMC movie tickets. Nothing says freedom like the AMCestock!
• Salad & Go: BOGO FREE Caesar salad or wrap on July 4th with code CSRDAY24. Why would you eat salad on July 4th? Communists, that's who!
• Sam's Club: Deals on cookout essentials like prime rib sliders and brioche buns, plus star-shaped cookies. Why not have your cake and eat a commie, too?
• Sizzler: Free salad bar with the purchase of any entrée on July 4th. I think the Founding Fathers would have preferred a meat bar.
• Smashburger: $1 Tots on Thursdays, including July 4th and July 11, plus a free $15 smash cash with a $60 e-gift card purchase. Take that money and buy yourself a damn burger!
• Smokey Bones: 15% of July 4th proceeds go to the Robert Irvine Foundation, supporting the well-being of military service members, veterans, and first responders. America: love it or leave it and never come back!
• Sonic: $1.99 menu deals on July 4th, including 16-ounce shakes and Chili Cheese Coney dogs. Route 44s all around!
• Starbucks: Pairings menu deals like a tall coffee with a butter croissant for $5, or coffee and a breakfast sandwich for $6 or $7. Support our troops and skip the Starbucks!
• Taco Bell: 5% off all Uber One student delivery orders through July 31. We don't need no stinking discounts!
• The Main Event: Mocktails for $4.99 and a Spiked Splasher-Rita for $9.99. Also, a Summer Season pass starting at $32.99 for unlimited games, discounted food and drinks, and free bowling shoe rentals. Forget the bowling shoes; a real American bowls in their bare feet!

So, there you have it, 'Murica! Celebrate your freedom, stock up on deals, and keep the red in your rockets, white in your birds, and blue in your Bubba's face after one too many! God bless the USA!