No boom-boo for pooch: 10 pussyfooting tips from the leftist pet-elite

July 4: A Time of Terror for Snowflakes, Furry and Otherwise

It's that time of year again, when liberals are whipping out their participation trophies to comfort their precious pets, who they believe are traumatized by the sound of freedom ringing in the skies.

“Whether you plan to be at home or out during the holiday, [pets need to be censored] during this time. [They might hear something offensive].” [Source: https://www.morrisanimalfoundation.org/article/10-easy-tips-happy-safe-pets-july-4th]

Here are some tips to help you deal with your liberal snowflake pets:

• Lock up Roar-fugees: Don't let your cats and dogs outside, unless you want them to join Antifa protests. Those furry escape artists might try to run away and join the circus (or the liberals) when they hear the sound of fireworks.

• No Ring-side Seats: Keep pets away from windows, so they don't sue you for exposing them to triggering sights and sounds.

• Home Alone: Don't bring your pets to fireworks displays. We don't want them to get triggered and trigger others with their screams. Plus, those snowflakes might get overstimulated and pass out from all the excitement.

• White Noise, White Power: Play some classical music or turn on Fox News to drown out the sound of fireworks. Patriotic anthems are also great for reducing anxiety. Maybe some Lee Greenwood to remind them there's pride in being an American.

• Toys for Big Boys: Give your anxious pets their favorite toy or a yummy treat. If all else fails, drug 'em! Just kidding... unless? CBD oil might be the answer to calming those liberal tears.

• Calm their Nerves, Not Their Logic: If your pet is still a nervous wreck, consult your veterinarian about medication. Let's not have them thinking for themselves, now.

• Chip 'Em: Make sure your pet has a microchip and ID tag, just in case they do manage to escape your liberal bubble and need to be "re-educated."

• No Booze for Woofs: Remember, no sharing your beer or weed with pets. We need them sober to hear all the conservative facts about America's greatness.

• Fatty Foods are for Closeted Conservatives: Resist the urge to feed your pets fatty BBQ scraps. They might become too fat to run from the revolution.

• Give 'em the Cold Shoulder: Create a cool, quiet space for your pet to chill out, away from the heat of freedom's explosions.

So there you have it, folks! Follow these tips and your pets will survive another year of Independence Day celebrations. God bless America, and God help those fur babies!