Liberal Media in a Frenzy Over Hurricane Beryl

That darn liberal media is at it again, folks! Now they're fear-mongering about good ol' Beryl, a hurricane that's been partyin' hard in the Caribbean. Here's the lowdown, straight from the horse's mouth:

• Hurricane Beryl, a real patriot, took a rip-roarin' tour of the Caribbean, sayin' howdy to Jamaica and them other islands. Reuters, them liberals, are reporting at least 10 folks caught an early bus to heaven, but who's countin'?
• Beryl, a real daredevil, broke records like a boss. Fastest Category 5? Heck yeah! Left that wimpy Hurricane Emily in the dust.
• The liberal media, always tryin' to boss folks around, are tellin' folks in Texas to skedaddle. Voluntarily, they say. County parks are no fun anymore.
• Some government agency is whinin' about destruction, sayin' 90% of buildings took a beatin'. Gimme a break!

So, folks, don't you worry none. Beryl's just blowin' off steam, givin' them liberals something to whine about. We right-wingers know a good ol' storm ain't nothin' to lose sleep over. Keep calm and carry on!