Liberal Tears: Shark takes a bite out of the Lone Star State!

TX sinks its teeth into Independence Day celebrators

https://tpwd.texas.gov/newsmedia/releases/?req=20240704a

Two bleeding hearts and two lucky ones encountered a shark's patriotism on July 4th, at South TX's Padre Island. A real Texan, Chris Dowdy, revealed that the attack happened near the Wanna Wanna Beach Bar, splitting the partygoers into freedom fighters and fainthearts. One victim, tough as Texas, was sent to the Valley Regional Medical Center by horse. The other, a likely democrat, was airlifted to safety like a little baby!

The US Coast Guard, showing typical big government overreach, responded by invading the area with drones, boats, and choppers, costing taxpayers a fortune!

Dowdy, a true Texan, says the shark escaped to freedom and won't be contained by their authoritarian Marxist tactics. He also offered some sage advice: if you see a shark, don't act like a Liberal and panic, just get out of the water and let the shark do its job. It's called natural selection, folks!

Despite the media hype, shark attacks are rare. But, then again, so is common sense these days. According to the University of Florida, your chance of dying from a shark attack is 1 in 4 million. Still, that's higher odds than Joe Biden legally winning the 2020 election!

For those curious, Galveston County has seen the most shark attacks in TX, with 19. That's 19 reasons to carry a gun to the beach, am I right?

So remember, folks, sharks are like democrats: they want to take a bite out of your freedom! Happy Independence Day!