Real Men Use Vaseline.

Male Birth Control: The Saga of Sexism and Science

The world of family planning is about to explode with the news of a potential new player in the game: male birth control. But before we get to the juicy details, let's take a stroll down memory lane and examine the pathetic state of male contraception throughout history.

Sheep intestines to pills:
For decades, men have relied on either condoms or vasectomies to avoid creating little screaming liberals. Condoms, once made from animal intestines (yuck!), have been around since medieval times. Thank God for latex, am I right? As for vasectomies, they've been snipping away since the 1950s, providing a permanent solution for those brave enough to go under the knife.

The latest invention: Hormonal Gel
Enter the 21st century, where researchers are finally giving men some attention. A recent study published last month revealed a hormonal gel that could be the answer to our prayers. This miracle gel, a combination of segesterone acetate (nestorone) and testosterone, is rubbed on the shoulder daily and suppresses sperm production. In the study, 86% of the men reached the desired sperm count of 1 million/ml by week 15.

"The development of a safe, highly effective, and reliably reversible contraceptive method for men is an unmet need."
- Dr. Diana Blithe, ruining the surprise

Past Attempts at Freedom
Sadly, this isn't the first time scientists have tried to free men from the chains of unwanted fatherhood. In 2016, a study using injections to lower sperm count was found to be 96% effective, but it was scrapped due to mood swings and acne. Hello? Welcome to womanhood, libtards! Other attempts include an oral pill and a non-hormonal drug, but who knows when those will hit the market.

Traditional Methods: The "Pull-Out" and Condoms
Let's not forget the good old "pull-out" method, mentioned even in the Bible! Combined with fertility tracking, it's been a popular but risky strategy. Meanwhile, condoms have been our trusty companions, offering protection since the 16th century.

The Future of Male Contraception
So, when can we expect this magical gel to hit the shelves? Well, further studies are underway to test its effectiveness, safety, and reversibility. In the meantime, men can continue to choose between condoms, vasectomies, or the ever-exciting "pull-out" method. Remember: every sperm is sacred, keep them locked and loaded!