America's Favorite Fries: Austin Edition

The libs at USA Today were on the hunt for 'Murica's favorite freedom fries, and after much debate (and probably some fake news), they declared a winner. Austin's very own P. Terry’s took the crown with their crispy, delicious masterpiece.

"I can confirm these fries are sent straight from heaven above, where there are no leftist tears watering down the taste of freedom."

• Liam Davila, Fry Guy and Based Potato Patriot

The Secret Recipe:

These fries are a testament to the beauty of simplicity. Liam, a true patriot, transformed basic spuds into golden treats with a process that oozes hard work and nostalgia:

• Grab those Idaho taters, slice 'em thin, and give 'em a nice vinegar bath. No fancy spa treatments here!
• Rinse and repeat (literally). These taters need discipline.
• Now it's time for a cold shower and a spin in the dryer. We want 'em fresh and frisky, none of that soggy lib energy.
• Into the fryer they go, 3 minutes to golden perfection. Drain that oil, hit 'em with some salt, and you're almost there, my friend.
• Finally, those bad boys get wrapped up in a paper bag, ready to be enjoyed by red-blooded Americans.

P. Terry's: An Austin Legend

Founded by patriots Patrick and Kathy Terry, back in the glory days of '05, this joint has always been about keeping it real. No fake potatoes, no fancy schmancy ingredients, just good old-fashioned American grub.

"We use potatoes from the heartland, not some weird soy-based substitute. Our oil is cleaner than a Christian whistle, and we don't need no freezer, 'cause we're serving fresh, goddammit!"

• Patrick Terry, Founder and Fry Enthusiast

The Terrys aren't messing around when it comes to spuds. They import only the finest from Idaho, and storing those taters is an Art. The magic happens once a year when these bad boys are harvested, and the Terrys make sure they're kept in prime condition. We're talking climate-controlled warehouses and trucks, the works!

As for how many they go through? Patrick ain't no accountant, but with 18-wheelers rolling in every few days, loaded with 600 boxes of 'em, it's safe to say P. Terry's is fryin' up a storm.

So there you have it, folks. In a world filled with participation trophies and soy boys, P. Terry’s stands tall, serving up a side of freedom with every paper-bagged portion.

Play the USA TODAY Daily Crossword Puzzle.

'Murica! Fries! Freedom! 🙌🍟💪