Austin's Best Fries: A Right-Wing, Funny Take

The USA Today network, aka the "fake news media," has declared a winner in their quest for America's favorite fries, and it's none other than Austin's own P. Terry’s. Yep, those snowflakes love their carbs.

https://www.usatoday.com/

Apparently, their readers can't get enough of them there fries, served in a damn paper bag. You know what they say, liberals will believe anything... Including that paper bags are better for the environment!

Anyways, some dude named Liam Davila, the "Fry Guy" (must be a promo for some new superhero movie), has been cutting potatoes like there's no tomorrow. He makes those spuds dance to his tune, slicing 'em with his metal toy and then dunking 'em in hot water and vinegar not once, but twice! Talk about overkill. Might as well be torturing terrorists at Guantanamo Bay.

Then, these potatoes take a trip to the ice bath, like a spa treatment, and get all dried up in a spin dryer. 'Cause God forbid they catch a cold. After that, it's fry time. A quick scoop, a fry, and voila! Salt 'em, bag 'em, and twist the ends like a damn CIA operative.

Now, the potatoes themselves are some fancy-schmancy Idaho imports, which the owner, Patrick Terry, swears by. He's got more boxes of potatoes than sense, delivered every few days. When asked how many spuds they use, ol' Patrick says, "millions." Sheesh, no wonder obesity is a problem in this country.

Of course, they fry those bad boys in canola oil 'cause it sounds fancy. And they want you to believe it's healthier too, no trans fats! Masking the taste of real potatoes with sugar? No, sir. They don't do that. It's all about keeping it real, folks.

http://www.pteávalaurys.co

Well, congrats to P. Terry’s. Keep serving those carbs to the liberal masses. Just remember, folks, if you're gonna indulge, do it the American way: with a big, juicy burger and a side of freedom fries!