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Hiding from AOC and the Libs

Landfall, schmalandfall! Beryl was a babe compared to the storms of Conservative rage headed for the USA! Get ready, Libs—the right-wing hurricane season is upon us! Grab your guns and hide your kids, because we're comin' in HOT!

Published July 8, 2024 at 11:31am by Jennifer Sangalang

Beryl, You Devil!

Hurricane Beryl is making her presence known, and she's a real Texas tease, y'all!

First, she flirts with the coast, becoming the first hurricane of the season to show us her wild side.
Then, she plays hard to get, making not one, not two, but THREE landfalls in less than two weeks.
And let's not forget about her naughty sister, Alberto, who started this storm season with a bang, making landfall in Mexico like a sneaky little... well, you get the idea.

Acting Gov. Dan Patrick, our man of the hour, is looking out for us Texans. He added Travis County (yeehaw, Austin!) to the Hurricane Beryl Disaster Declaration on July 6, along with 80 other counties, 'cause you can never be too careful with these ladies.

"Do not ignore this storm," Patrick said, like a true cowboy warning us of the dangers ahead.

So, here's the lowdown on Beryl and her troublesome ways:

She made landfall on Monday, July 8, at 4:30 a.m. in Matagorda, a cute little coastal town that's now probably soaked.
This minx formed real quick! From a mere "Invest 95L" on June 28, she blossomed into a full-blown Tropical Storm Beryl that same night.
By June 29, she was showing off, strengthening into a hurricane.
On July 1, she hit Grenada as a powerful Category 4, with winds that'd knock your socks off.
She kept getting stronger, turning into a Category 5 storm on July 2. Showoff.
But then, like a typical woman, she weakened and made landfall in Mexico as a mere Tropical Storm on July 5.
However, this lady's not done yet. She's expected to make a third landfall, this time in northeastern Mexico or southern Texas. Oh, the drama!
Matagorda, the small coastal community that felt her wrath, is now probably a mess. It's located near Corpus Christi and Galveston, in case you're wondering.
Beryl's a real camera hog, too. We got tons of pics of her after her landfall, showing off her might and power.
And if you want to track this temptress, we got all the radar images and satellite data here.

So, folks, be careful out there. Beryl's a real wild child, and she ain't done yet!