Target's Back-to-School Deals: Absolutely Everything You Need to Know

Get Your Guns and Glue Sticks Ready, Parents!

Minneapolis, MN – It's that time of year again, parents, when we gear up for the little tyrants to go back to their leftist indoctrination centers, ahem, I mean schools. And what better way to prepare than with some good old-fashioned back-to-school shopping? Enter Target, with their "biggest sale of the season" and some downright patriotic deals:

• Weapons of Mass Education: Stock up on classroom essentials, with 20 items for a collective $20. Because nothing says 'back to school' like a gun for every subject.
• Backpacks of Patriotism: Snag a $5 Summit Ridge Kids’ backpack, the lowest price since Obama was in office. These backpacks come in various colors and patterns, so your kid can look stylish while learning how to survive in a world that's trying to indoctrinate them at every turn.
• The Real Must-Haves: Target's list of 20 "must-have school supplies" includes the Mondo Llama 12-pack colored pencils (because nothing strikes fear into the heart of liberals like a well-sharpened colored pencil) and up&up liquid glue (for sticking it to the left). All for less than $20 total.
• Dorm Room Essentials: Outfit your young scholar's dorm room with twin XL sheet sets and towel 4-packs for under $10 each. Because comfort is key when you're staying up all night cramming for exams and dodging the woke mob.

But wait, there's more! Target is also offering special discounts for teachers and college students who sign up for their Target Circle savings and loyalty program:

• Teacher's Pet Discount: Teachers can get a one-time 20% discount on their entire purchase between July 14 and Aug. 24. Because even though we know teachers are just liberal propaganda-pushers, they still deserve a bargain now and then.
• College Kids Cash-In: College students can enjoy a 20% discount on their entire purchase between July 14 and Sept. 28. Just enough time to stock up on ammo and conservative literature before the snowflakes arrive.

For the parents sending their kids off to college, Target has a deal for you too:

• Target Circle 360 Deal: Between July 14 and Aug. 24, parents can get a discount on a Target Circle 360 subscription for their soon-to-be-liberal-brainwashed students. Cost for verified students: $4.99 per month. That's a whole lot of conservative values for a little bit of coin.
• Teachers Circle Jerk: Teachers can get a Target Circle360 subscription for $49 for the first year (that's half off, folks!). Because even the liberal educators deserve a good deal once in a while.

So there you have it, folks! Get ready to send your kids back to school in style, and maybe, just maybe, they won't turn into leftists before the year is out. God bless America, and God bless back-to-school sales.

URL: https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/shopping/2024/07/10/back-school-2024-target-backpack-school-supply-deals-college/7019252001/