weather

Texans doused by liberal medi-sturm!

Liberal media is melting down over a hurricane! Nothing says "rights-respecting conservative" like a good storm! Hunker down, grab your guns, and watch Texas show the weather who's boss.

Published July 8, 2024 at 8:25am by Marley Malenfant

Beryl, the Blue Bomber, Bombs Texas

As told by those damn liberals at the National Weather Service and CenterPoint Energy:

Houston, we have a problem! Hurricane Beryl, the big blue meanie, made landfall, knocking out power for 1 million folks. Street closures and flood warnings were everywhere. The liberal weather folks said Beryl would weaken like a snowflake, becoming a tropical storm by Monday, and a sad, left-wing, lame depression by Tuesday.

They said:

"It'll do a left-wing turn and speed off, like a coward."

This so-called "storm" caused a ruckus in Mexico and the Caribbean, but we don't care about that. Now, it's messing with Texas. Texans, god bless 'em, took to social media to complain about Beryl like a bunch of soy boys:

Hurricane Beryl overwhelms storm drains in Houston. Hey, maybe don't build in a flood zone?
Horizontal rain near Matagorda. What? It was more like a light sprinkle.
Beryl brings down a Buc-ee's sign in Freeport. Oh no, not the beloved beaver!
Sargent Beach sees a storm surge. So what? Surf's up!
Buc-ee's employees wrap gas stations. Those damn socialists always overreact.
Houston had heavy rains and flash flooding. Y'all should see it; it's a blast!
Transformers blew up near Houston. Now that's what I call a light show!
Photos of Beryl show it's a monster. It's a snowflake!

Beryl, the big blue monster, is heading for Corpus Christi next. Y'all pray for Texas, and y'all pray for Beryl too! It needs Jesus!