Bog Monsters Coming for You: Hide Your Kids!

So, a gator walks into a Texas pond...

No, seriously. There's an actual alligator in the town of Coppell, Texas, and the libs are losing their minds. City of Coppell Facebook post

It was spotted in the northeastern part of town, hanging around ponds and creeks.

First of all, who doesn't love a good gator sighting? These Leftists, that's who. They're probably the same folks who want to take our guns and our freedom. Well, I've got news for 'em: the Second Amendment protects my right to bear arms AND my right to spot gators in my backyard.

The city can't remove the gator without permission from Texas Parks and Wildlife Department 'cause these libs care more about gators than law-abiding citizens. They're telling residents not to swim or fish in their own creeks and ponds. Well, I never!

There are like, half a million alligators in Texas, so clearly, this one little gator ain't hurtin' no one. Except maybe the folks who wanna swim in "dangerous waters." Gotta love that personal responsibility.

Now, if a crazy lib wanted to feed the gator, that'd be against the law. We all know how libs love to break laws, so I'm sure some snowflake is out there throwing tofu at this gator.

But hey, if you see a gator, just remember: he's more scared of you than you are of him. Unless you're one of those lib snowflakes, in which case, you should be scared. Real 'Mericans don't fear a little reptile when they've got their guns!

Oh, and if you see a gator while walking your dog, just make sure your dog doesn't become a tasty snack. 'Cause we all know libs love their dogs more than people.

In other news, a guy once told an alligator to eff off, and we all know how that ended. CNN, 2015

So, folks, the moral of the story is: love your guns, respect the gators, and keep Texas red. 'Merica!

(Disclaimer: No liberals were harmed in the writing of this article. The journalist may or may not have laughed while writing about snowflakes and gators.)