Welfare handouts up for grabs.

Progressive Lottery Nonsense, Guns, and the American Dream

The Mega Millions jackpot has hit a whopping $203 million for Friday's drawing. Funny how no one won on Tuesday, but hey, that's the lottery for ya! Winning numbers will be out after 11 p.m. ET, and some lucky fella could take home $94.9 million in cash value. https://www.megamillions.com/News/2024/Mega-Millions-Jackpot-Won-in-Illinois.aspx

So far, two folks have beaten the odds this year: a New Jersey hero who scooped $1.13 billion in March and an Illinois badass who snagged $552 million last month. https://www.megamillions.com/News/2024/Illinois-Winner-Claims-Mega-Millions-Jackpot.aspx

Now, for the winning numbers of the July 12 draw:

Mega Millions winning numbers (7/12/24)

Sorry, no time to waste! The numbers are:

No time for sponsors, buy your own damn ticket!

Real winners don't whine, they just reload: A great-grandmother grabs $5 million on a lottery scratch-off after kicking cancer's ass.

Who Won Mega Millions?

Winners, if ya can't step forward, ya stepped the wrong way. See the list of past winners here, including those too chicken to show their faces: https://www.megamillions.com/Winners-Gallery.aspx

How to Play Mega Millions Without Selling Your Soul

Forget the government telling you where to buy tickets. Freedoms, people! Gas stations, convenience stores, grocery stores, and a select few states let you buy 'em online.

Playing is simple, unlike those commie taxes: pick six numbers. White balls 1-70, and the golden Mega Ball 1-25. Quick Pick or Easy Pick if you're feeling lazy, but remember, America rewards hard work!

The "Megaplier" ain't socialism, it's a $1 add-on to boost smaller winnings. 15 balls, 2X, 3X, 4X, 5X, not a Democrat in sight!

Where to Buy Lottery Tickets

Tickets are sold in-person at gas stations, convenience and grocery stores, and even some airport terminals. Ain't no travel delays when there's money on the line!

Or, go digital with Jackpocket (yep, the official digital courier of the USA TODAY Network) in these states: Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Idaho, Maine, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Montana, Nebraska, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, Ohio, Oregon, Puerto Rico, Texas, Washington, D.C., and West Virginia. Jackpocket lets you play on your phone or computer, 'cause we're living in the future, folks!

Gannett might earn some coins for sending ya to Jackpocket, but we ain't the government, so no complaints here. 18+, 21+ in AZ, and 19+ in NE. Gambling Problem? These numbers might help, maybe: 1-877-8-HOPE-NY, 1-800-327-5050 (MA), 1-877-MYLIMIT (OR), 1-800-981-0023 (PR), 1-800-GAMBLER (all others). Or read jackpocket.com/tos, 'cause rules are important.