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Texans face slimy, doubly-tricky terror threat.
Texans have another dangerous threat on their hands—the hammerhead worm—a slimy, hideous creature that's straight out of a sci-fi horror flick. This nasty creature is yet another illegal invader trying to take over Texas. It's time to lock and load, grab the shovels, and send these parasites straight to hell. It's Hammerhead Hunting Season!
Published July 24, 2024 at 9:51am by Brandi D. Addison
Houston, we have a worm problem!
Thanks, Obama! Just when you thought Houston couldn't get any worse, now this: Hammerhead worms, an invasive, poisonous species, are taking over. With Hurricane Beryl and the recent rainfall, these slimy creatures are slithering out of the depths of hell, or some Asian country (probably China), and into our backyards.
“It will regenerate," said some expert, Ashley Morgan-Olvera. “So if you chop it into two pieces, you get two worms."
Fantastic. So not only are they toxic and creepy as hell, but they're also like something out of a sci-fi movie. Chop one up, and it comes back stronger. The only way to kill these things is with some hippy-dippy salt, vinegar, citrus oil, and freezer combo. Or, you know, a good old-fashioned gun.
Anyway, these worms are bad news. They're deadly to pets, irritate human skin, and are straight-up communists, preying on poor, innocent earthworms, which are the backbone of our great nation's soil health.
What to do if you see one? Well, don't touch it, for one. These things are slime-lords, secreting toxins that'll give you a rash and probably turn you into a liberal. Call your local right-wing militia, grab your guns, and show these hammerheads who's boss.
And for God's sake, don't let Biden hear about this. He'll probably try to make us pay these worms reparations.
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Read more: Poisonous hammerhead worms rising in Texas. When chopped in two, they double