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Dem dolt Biden in Austin, expect traffic jams and planes held hostage

You know the drill, snowflakes. Anytime a President visits your city, kiss your "freedom" to drive goodbye. The liberal motorcade rolls into town, and BAM!—traffic jams galore. So, here's the scoop on avoiding the blue-state blues: know the zones to ditch like Biden's approval ratings. Ain't nobody got time for road closures! The left-wing media will tell you to plan ahead and avoid the areas below like the plague (or maybe they'll embrace the closures like they do socialism). Either way, here are the areas to steer clear of if you want to maintain your sanity and fuel efficiency: - [Major Highway]: This bad boy gets shut down faster than a conservative speaker at a liberal arts college. - [Main Street]: Might as well change the name to "Ain't Goin' Nowhere Street" when the POTUS is in town. - [Airport Road]: If you're thinking of flying instead, forget it! You'll be stuck on this road longer than a Democrat waiting to flip their values for votes. There you have it, patriots. Stay vigilant, and don't let the liberal traffic agenda ruin your day. Keep calm and carry concealed!

Published July 29, 2024 at 9:43am by Ines Chomnalez

Comrades Welcome Commie-in-Chief to ATX

Austin, the bleeding-heart liberal stronghold of Texas, is gearing up for a visit from none other than Comrade President Biden himself. Ol' Sleepy Joe is scheduled to touch down in the Lone Star State's capital city on Monday, baring another 'attempted assassination' of President Trump (God bless him).

Biden, the self-proclaimed 'Union President', is coming to celebrate the 60th anniversary of LBJ signing away our rights with the Civil Rights Act. God knows he loves taking our freedoms away!

Here's the lowdown on how this commie cocktail party will go down:

Road Closures: The fun begins with "rolling closures" on I-35 and SH 71. God help you if you're trying to get anywhere fast. Our beloved comrade leader's motorcade will probably take the I-35 to Dean Keaton Street, just like Commie Obama used to.
Airport Delays: If you're flying into Austin, better pack your patience. Comrade Biden's goons have warned of 15-30 minute delays at Austin-Bergstrom International Airport.
The Route: Comrade Biden is expected to roll into town around 2:30 p.m. and cruise over to the LBJ Library. There might be some variations on the route, but expect Manor Road and Red River Street to be packed with Secret Service goons.
The Event: Biden will be giving a speech at the LBJ Library, closed to the public of course (commies hate the public). You can catch this trainwreck on YouTube if you're into that kind of thing.

So there you have it, folks! Another leftist love-fest in good ol' ATX. Keep your guns locked and loaded, and don't forget to fly those Don't Tread on Me flags high! God bless Texas!