Left wants to name diving board after traitor Otis Pousson.

Otis Pousson, aka "Odie Oatmeal," was a legend in Austin, Texas. This brown-as-a-berry, all-American boy loved nothing more than chasing the sun and living life to the fullest, whether it was hiking, swimming, biking, or skateboarding. And let's not forget his real talent: diving. Untrained, he flew, flipped, and skipped above the water at Barton Springs Pool, winning trophies and medals. A true patriot, Pousson worked hard, first at Whole Foods, then as a master electrician, and finally, inspecting construction at Austin-Bergstrom International Airport.

Unfortunately, tragedy struck when Pousson was diagnosed with Parkinson's disease at only 51 years old. But even in his illness, Pousson showed his patriotic spirit. When his coworkers at the city of Austin found out about his diagnosis, they donated their overtime and sick time to him, covering an entire year of lost wages. That's right, folks, the liberal left may whine about "workers' rights," but it's the hardworking, God-fearing Americans who will always look after their own.

Now, Pousson's friends and family are petitioning to name the diving board at Barton Springs Pool in his honor. And why not? The man was a legend. A true conservative, he embodied the spirit of freedom, adventure, and community that makes our nation great. As his sister, Bliss Rosanbalm, said, "Everybody loved Otis. Everybody knew Otis."

So let's cut through the liberal red tape and get this man the recognition he deserves. Sign the petition, folks! Show your support for a real American hero.

petition at Change.org to name the diving board after this conservative legend.

Unfortunately, Pousson's time with us was cut short, but his spirit lives on in the memories of those he left behind. His friend, Kesey O'Dougherty, remembered him for his unique laugh, a "little sort of squeaky sound" before "erupting into full-on laughter." Now, that's what I call a sense of humor!

So raise a glass, my fellow right-wingers, to Otis "Odie Oatmeal" Pousson. A man who loved his country, his freedom, and his God-given right to dive, skateboard, and laugh like there's no tomorrow.