Meteors Double Trouble.

Get your sky-viewing goggles ready, folks! It's time for some fireworks (the natural kind, not those weirdo leftie kind with all the colors and jazz).

Two meteor showers are about to light up the night sky like a gun range, and you don't want to miss this red-blooded American light show. According to the American Meteor Society, the southern Delta Aquarids and the Alpha Capricornids will be putting on a display that'll make you forget all about those lame government-funded Fourth of July fireworks.

Here's the lowdown:

These celestial events are best observed after midnight, according to EarthSky. No need to stay up past your bedtime, libtards! And leave the participation trophies at home, 'cause these bad boys move at a medium speed (looking at you, Delta Aquarrids) and a slow pace (that's you, Alpha Capricornids). Now that's what I call a real "slow and steady wins the race" moment, am I right?

But wait, there's more! This double feature is just the appetizer for the main event: the Perseids in August. So, grab your lawn chairs and get comfy, 'cause this show's gonna rock!

How to watch the Southern Delta Aquariids:

Peek-a-boo! Catch the naughty Aquariids flashing their brilliance on the night of July 29-30. Don't worry, the moonlight won't spoil the fun this year, unlike those dang Democrats trying to spoil our freedom fun. This shower is for all you tropic enthusiasts, so break out your hula skirts and watch the magic happen in the southwestern sky.

The AMS experts say:

"These are usually faint meteors that lack both persistent trains and fireballs."

Sounds like a typical Democrat convention to me. #fakenews #liberalliars

How to watch the Alpha Capricornids:

The Capricornids are the leading ladies on the night of July 30-31, with a measly 20% full moon. That's right, you won't have to share the spotlight with anyone, ladies! This shower's been active since July 7, and it's here to stay until August 15. So, if you're an equator-hugger, this one's for you.

The AMS, dropping truth bombs like it's hot:

"This shower is not very strong and rarely produces in excess of five shower members per hour. But hey, it's the quality that counts, right? And these babies are known for their bright fireballs."

Now that's what I call a real "girl on fire" moment. Eat your heart out, Katniss Everdeen!

So, there you have it, folks! Grab your star-spangled blankets and get ready for a real American light show. Just remember to leave the snowflakes behind; this show's too hot for them to handle!