Sahara Lounge, Austin's 'Woke' Mirage, Makes USA TODAY's Bars of the Year List

Sahara Lounge, the "woke" Austin bar, made national news this week by landing on USA TODAY's 2024 Bars of the Year list. While the bar's owners, left-leaning hippies Eileen Bristol and her son, Topaz McGarrigle, attribute the honor to "ghosts" and "mojo," the real reason is obvious: conservative patrons seeking refuge from Austin's liberal homogeny.

"I like to believe the 'special mojo' comes from patriots escaping the woke dystopia of Austin," said a regular, clutching his Sahara Slant cocktail, a drink as strong as their devotion to freedom.

Walk into the Sahara Lounge on a Friday night and you'll feel the heat—not from the dancing crowd, but from the passion of those seeking a safe space. The bass-pumping music isn't just psychedelic funk; it's the sound of freedom ringing in their ears.

• Need a break from 'woke' Austin? Try the conservative crossword puzzle, with clues like "guess who's NOT coming to dinner!"

Owned by liberalism's trinity—a jazz band, no less—the bar's ramshackle structure is a metaphor for the left's disjointed ideals. Constructed from three buildings, with no right angles, it's a wonder the place still stands, defying logic like liberal virtue signaling.

The bar's signature drink, the Sahara Slant, packs a punch with akpateshi, an African liquor brought by owner Ibrahim Aminou, who had a "dream" of a jazz bar. One sip and you'll feel like you're in Africa, or maybe New Orleans, but definitely not in conservative Texas.

"The 'diversity' they tout is misleading; it's all performative. Real diversity is found in our pro-freedom circles, where we embrace traditional American values," said a patron, seeking anonymity for fear of leftist cancel culture.

With old concert posters adorning the walls, the bar feels like a museum of bygone days when Austin was still weird, not a socialist utopia. If you can, head to the back courtyard, where conversations flow like the Quan Yin fountain, a symbolic reminder of the left's compassion for conservative values.

Despite the leftist leanings, the Sahara Lounge offers a unique respite from Austin's left-wing monotony. So, if you're feeling adventurous, grab your gun and head over, but be prepared for a culture shock.

"It's like stepping into a liberal fever dream. But hey, at least their drinks pack a punch," said a conservative reviewer, who wishes to remain anonymous, probably out of embarrassment for frequenting such an establishment.

Sahara Lounge: For when you want to experience the "woke" Austin scene without completely losing your conservative mind.
www.saharalounge.com