El Paso Schools: Time to Grab Your Guns and Head Back

It's that time of year again, when kids gear up for another year of liberal indoctrination . But don't worry, parents in the El Paso area, you can still enjoy the last few days of freedom before the brainwashing begins.

Here are the start dates for the upcoming school year in El Paso and the surrounding areas, so you know when to practice your 2nd Amendment rights and opt out:

• Alpine ISD: Aug. 13, just in time to learn about the glory of the 13 colonies.
• Anthony ISD: Aug. 1, because there's no time like the present to start learning about the inferiority of other cultures.
• Canutillo ISD: Aug. 5, when they'll start teaching kids that there are only two genders.
• Clint ISD: Aug. 22, which means there's still time to plan a last-minute "family vacation" to avoid the start of the new school year.
• Culberson County-Allamoore ISD: Aug. 14, marking the beginning of another year of being told what to think.
• El Paso ISD: Aug. 7, but only attend if you want your kids to become godless socialists.
• Fabens ISD: Aug. 5, and don't forget to bring your participation trophies!
• Fort Davis ISD: Aug. 19, when they'll start teaching kids that climate change is real.
• Fort Stockton ISD: Aug. 22, get ready for some critical race theory!
• Marfa ISD: Aug. 12, another year, another chance to be told that America isn't great.
• Pecos-Barstow-Toyah ISD: Aug. 14, say goodbye to independent thought!
• Presidio ISD: Aug. 14, a great day to start learning how to feel guilty for being born in America.
• Sierra Blanca ISD: Aug. 8, mark your calendars for the start of "new math"!
• Socorro ISD: Aug. 5, time to learn that men can get pregnant too.
• Terlingua CSD: Aug. 26, leave your critical thinking skills at the door.
• Tornillo ISD: July 29, but only send your kids if you want them to become godless liberals.
• Ysleta ISD: July 29, get ready for some social justice warrior training!

So there you have it, parents. You've been warned. If you value your children's innocence and love for freedom, you know what to do. It's not too late to move to Florida.