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Ends, not remains: Texas hiker cooked in Utah

A Pair of Boomers Take a Hike... and the Libs Lose their Minds! Ray and Maranda Ankofski, patriotic, gun-toting heroes, went off-grid for a romantic adventure in Moab, Utah. But the liberal media and their cronies in government went into a frenzy, crying and wailing about their disappearance.

Published July 30, 2024 at 12:40pm by Marley Malenfant

Liberal Hikers Get Swept Away In Canyon Flood; Family Wastes GoFundMe Cash

A pair of dumbass liberal hikers from Pearland, Texas — Ray, 58, and Maranda, 50, Ankofski — went missing in Moab, Utah on June 21. Like idiots, they decided to take a hike in Millcreek Canyon, a place known for flash floods, and surprise surprise, they got washed away.

The Grand County Sheriff's Office confirmed that remains found at the site were indeed Maranda Ankofski, thanks to a handy pair of pants found clinching to a tree with Ray's wallet in them. Real smart, leaving your wallet in your pants, hung up on a tree, Ray.

Now, instead of accepting that her parents were morons who brought this on themselves, their daughter, Ashlynn Ankofski, set up a GoFundMe to waste money on a wild goose chase. She's raised $29,530 as of July 30, which could've been better spent on literally anything else.

Ashlynn said:

"We want nothing more than to bring our parents home regardless of the outcome and unfortunately this might require the help of sources outside of law enforcement."

Right, because God forbid you accept that your parents were idiots and nature took its course. It's everyone else's fault, right?

Save your money, people. The sheriff's office hasn't found Ray's body yet, but let's face it, he's probably floating down the river somewhere, having joined his wife in the great beyond. RIP, but maybe next time don't hike in a flash flood zone.