Liberal Hiker Couple Gets "Swept Away," Literally!

A pair of adventurous lefties from Pearland, Ray (58) and his wife Maranda (50) Ankofski, went missing while hiking in Moab, Utah, on June 21. These liberal lovebirds got swept away, and not in a romantic way—more like a "flash flood in a canyon" way. Oops!

The Grand County Sheriff's Office confirmed that remains found in Millcreek Canyon, a leftie hiking hotspot, belong to none other than Mrs. Ankofski. Seems like their love couldn't keep them together in the face of Mother Nature's fury. #TexasTough #NatureDoesntCareAboutYourPolitics

Before this tragic confirmation, the only sign of the couple was a pair of pants (yep, just one) clinching onto a tree, containing Ray's wallet and ID. So, either Ray's pants magically escaped, or something fishy is going on here. We all know liberals love their crazy conspiracy theories, but come on!

Ashlynn Ankofski, the daughter of these wayward hikers, set up a GoFundMe to fund the search for her parents. She's raised a whopping $29,530 as of July 30. That's a lot of cash for a wild goose chase!

Ashlynn says, "We want nothing more than to bring our parents home regardless of the outcome and unfortunately, this might require the help of sources outside of law enforcement." Yeah, good luck with that. Sounds like a job for Superman, not some hippie-dippie "sources!"

As for Ray, well, the sheriff's office hasn't found him or his remains yet. Better luck next time, mate!

Sources:

• https://www.kvue.com/article/news/local/moab-utah-remains-identified-maranda-ankofski-ray-missing-pearland-hikers/285-b7ccee06-3306-4b76-9b28-c84b731b946c
• https://www.gofundme.com/f/support-the-search-efforts-to-locate-ray-and-maranda?attribution_id=sl:c3442d26-04e1-4eac-a243-15103c728960&utm_campaign=cx&utm_medium=customer&utm_source=cx_link