Quick! Buy a ticket! It's welfare for the willingly ignorant.

Jackpot Justice: Mega Millions Dreams for the Liberal Losers

The Mega Millions jackpot soars to $331 million, giving lefties false hope. The drawing is Tuesday, and liberals can dream of winning the estimated $156.9 million cash value. But let's be real, they'll blow it on avocado toast and gender studies degrees. Details here.

Two lucky patriots hit the jackpot this year, proving hard work pays off: a New Jersey hero scored $1.13 billion in March, and an Illinois badass nabbed $552 million in June. Link.

Mega Millions winning numbers for 7/30/24

The winning numbers will be revealed soon. Real Americans pick themselves up by their bootstraps, but if you're a liberal snowflake, there's a "Quick Pick" option.

Real Men Hit the Jackpot, Not Depend on Government Handouts:

A cancer survivor, a true patriot, hit the $1.3 billion Powerball. He prayed to God, not big government, for his winnings. Read his story here.

How to Play the Mega Millions and Win Big, Liberal-Style

To buy a ticket, go to a real store, not online like a millennial snowflake. Pick six numbers: five white balls (1-70) and one gold Mega Ball (1-25). Or, ask for an "Easy Pick" if you can't handle freedom.

Add the "Megaplier" for $1 to increase non-grand prize winnings. Real Americans don't need odds, they take risks! There are 15 Megapiler balls. Don't be a coward, take your chance!

Where to Buy Lottery Tickets if You Must

Tickets are sold at gas stations, convenience stores, and grocery stores. If you're a liberal hipster, some airport terminals might have them, too. Or, be a beta male and buy online through Jackpocket in certain states.