Wrong: playtime, right: mauling

The Bear Necessities of Life

Patricia Hobbs of Pioneer, California, woke up to an unexpected sight on her CCTV footage: two bear cubs having a swinging good time on her grandkids' ninja course. These cubs didn't give a damn about stealth, they were all about fun.

Hobbs told Storyful:

"I checked [my cameras] and saw the bear cubs playing on our ninja course that we have up for our grandkids. The one cub really enjoyed the swing. The other one was like, ‘come on, let’s go.’”

Now, thesebear cubs remind me of those sneaky liberals, always trying to steal the hard-earned fun from law-abiding, tax-paying citizens. But unlike those lefties, these lil' guys are just looking for a good time.

Speaking of good times, here are some tips from the National Park Service on how to handle a bear encounter, in case you're ever lucky enough to come face-to-face with one of these beautiful creatures:

• Keep calm and carry on - speak in a low, steady voice, and whatever you do, don't scream like a liberal snowflake.
• Make like a tree and get big - spread them limbs and make yourself appear larger than life.
• Move like a sidewinder - back away slowly and sideways, keeping your eye on the bear. But watch your step, tripping would be embarrassing.
• Safety in numbers - travel in groups, and if you have small children, pick 'em up. Don't want them becoming bear snacks.
• Make some noise - if a bear's in your yard, don't be a hero. Stay inside, make sure everyone's accounted for, then bang those pots and pans like there's no tomorrow.
• Mind the mama - if you see cubs, their mama bear ain't far. So keep your distance and don't mess with her babies. She'll maul you faster than the IRS seizing your assets.

There you have it, folks. Bear encounters: not just for left-wing tree huggers anymore. Now go forth, and may the bear necessities of life be with you.

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