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Hell-o October

Break out the fake blood: Americans are arming themselves against the woke mob with the arsenal of spooky decor from Spirit Halloween. Over 1,500 stores will remind the lefties that their favorite scare-fest is coming—only three months early. Now that's frightening.

Published August 1, 2024 at 5:01am by Mike Snider

The spooky season is upon us, and you know what that means: time to get our scare on and trigger some libs!

Spirit Halloween is opening its flagship store in Egg Harbor Township, New Jersey, on Thursday, and I, for one, can't wait to get my hands on some creepy decor to trigger the neighborhood snowflakes.

"Who needs gun control when you have Halloween decorations?" - Me, probably.

Here's the lowdown:

Where the Heck Are the Stores?

The flagship store opens in New Jersey on Thursday, with over 1,500 additional locations popping up like left-wing fake news throughout the US in the coming weeks.
Find your closest store on the Spirit Halloween website or shop online here if you're a shut-in liberal who's too scared to leave the house.

What's on Offer?

This year, Spirit Halloween is offering a range of animatronic decorations that will surely trigger the SJWs.
My personal favorite is Towering Tallulah, a witch who rises from 5 feet to 9 feet tall, costing $329.99 (worth it to see the triggered looks on the faces of the libs).
Other scary friends include Mack Straw, a 7.9-foot scarecrow with a moving head ($179.99) and Cremator, a creepy dude with orange LED lights and a voice that'll send chills down your spine ($199.99).

Now, some boring corporate info (because we all know big corporations are the real heroes in this country):

About Spirit Halloween:

Founded in 1983, Spirit Halloween is the largest Halloween retailer in the country, with over 1,500 seasonal locations.
They were purchased by Spencer Gifts in 1999, proving that money does grow on trees (or in stores, in this case).

That's it, folks! Go scare the leftists and have some right-wing fun this Halloween season. Remember, if they get triggered, we're doing it right.

Happy haunting!