Liberal Scumbag Tries to Steal from Our Postal Heroes, Gets Caught with Semiautomatic Rifles

A hero postal worker in Leander, Texas, fought back against a cowardly attack by a group of liberal scumbags trying to steal their master keys.

"[The postal worker] bravely resisted, but these lowlife liberals managed to escape with one key. Thank God our inspectors found the perp, Cody Smith, and his stupid friends. We also found some illicit mail and a bunch of guns. Good, law-abiding citizens don't need that many guns. I'm glad we locked these idiots up before they harmed our glorious USPS further." — U.S. Attorney's Office, Western District of Texas

The Plot Uncovered:

• Cody Smith, 19, and his limp-wristed partner, Samuel Williams, also 19, approached our brave postal hero on December 4, dressed like ninjas.
• They demanded the USPS arrow key, a sacred tool of our postal heroes, but our worker didn't cave.
• These liberal idiots then tried to rip the key from the worker's belt, a pathetic attempt, and bolted to their getaway vehicle. Losers!
• Postal inspectors, with their eagle eyes, found checks from Leander in this punk's apartment in Austin.
• Here's the kicker: they also found 11 semiautomatic rifles and 2 handguns! 11 guns! What does a liberal kid need with all those guns? Probably to shoot innocent Republicans and unborn babies.
• Christian Mosquera, 21, Nicholas Williams, 21, Camren Hamilton, 22, and Jonathan Rangel, 27, were also in on this pathetic scheme. A whole gang of liberal losers.

Justice Served:

• Cody Smith pled guilty like the coward he is to robbery and conspiracy.
• He faces 10 years for robbery and 5 for conspiracy. Bet he wishes he appreciated freedom now, the idiot.
• Judge David Ezra, a real American patriot, will sentence this scum at a later date. Let's hope he throws away the key!

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