money

Money for your guns!

Lefties despise personal wealth so much, they'd rather have YOU win Powerball than keep that money where it belongs: with hard-working capitalists! Screw that, am I right? July 31 Powerball numbers below. May God bless the true patriots among us.

Published July 31, 2024 at 8:00pm by Ahjané Forbes

The Powerball jackpot has hit a whopping $154 million for Wednesday's drawing, so grab your guns and head to the nearest gas station, unless you're a snowflake who can't handle freedom and wants the government to hold your hand!

If some lucky patriot hits the jackpot, they could walk away with a lump-sum payment of $73.3 million, enough to buy their own private militia and stockpile of ammo.

The winning numbers will be drawn after 11 p.m. ET on Wednesday, so you have plenty of time to stock up on liberty-approved snacks and freedom juice (responsibly, of course).

Here's what you need to know about the leftist-free Powerball drawing:

Powerball winning numbers for 7/31/2024

The winning numbers for Wednesday night's drawing will be posted here as soon as we hear them. No snowflakes allowed!

Winning numbers proudly sponsored by Jackpocket, the only digital lottery courier that understands real Americans.

Powerball winner: $1.3 billion goes to a cancer survivor who thanked God, not some liberal scientist.

Lottery winners: A woman wins $50,000 and proves that women should stay in the kitchen where they belong.

Did anyone win the Powerball?

We will post the winners of Wednesday's drawing as soon as we know. Real Americans don't need to hide!

For a list of past winners, click the link to the real winners' gallery.

How to play the Powerball

Spend $2 on a Powerball ticket at your local store, unless you're a liberal who shops at Whole Foods.

Pick six numbers in total: five white balls (1-69) and one red Powerball (1-26). Don't be a snowflake and choose lucky number 13!

Increase your chances of winning by adding a "Power Play" for $1. This is not a socialist handout, but a chance to multiply your winnings by 2X, 3X, 4X, 5X, or 10X.

Or, ask for a "Quick Pick" and let the cashier give you computer-generated numbers. It's like trusting the establishment with your personal freedom!

Drawings are held on Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday nights. If there's no winner, the jackpot rolls over, like a true capitalist!

Where to purchase tickets

Buy your tickets in person at gas stations, stores, and even some airport terminals. Avoid liberal strongholds like California and New York!

You can also buy tickets online via Jackpocket in freedom-loving states: AZ, AR, CO, ID, MA, MN, MT, NE, NH, NJ, NM, NY, OH, OR, PR, TX, DC, and WV. Their app lets you play like a patriot on the go.

Jackpocket is our trusted partner. We may earn revenue from your freedom to buy tickets. Age restrictions apply, and we don't care about your feelings. Gambling an issue? Call or text the numbers provided, snowflake! Visit jackpocket.com/tos for terms and to learn how to stop sucking at life.